one-way:

Heterosexual. Usually in the form: one-way baby .
See Also: clap eyes on, coitus variatus, drop the plate, gender roles, hits both ways, innocent girl, lay eyes on, plurisexual, set eyes on

Quotes Containing one-way:
Vivian Ward (Julia Roberts) and Edward Lewis (Richard Gere) in Pretty Woman (1990): - Vivian: ''Pick one! I''ve got red, I''ve got green, I''ve got yellow , I''m out of purple but I do have one Gold Circle Coin left, the condom of champions, the one-and-only , nothing is getting through this sucker . What do you say?'' - Edward: ''A buffet of safety.''
Sonja (Diane Keaton) to young Natasha (Jessica Harper) in Love and Death (1975): 'Natasha, to love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love . But then one suffers from not loving . Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love . To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love , or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down .'
The Sheik Ilderim (Hugh Griffith) to Judah Ben-Hur (Charlton Heston) in Ben-Hur (1959): 'One wife!? One god, that I can understand, but one wife? This is not civilized, it is not generous.'
Matthew (Don Johnson) in Zachariah (1970): 'A whore is only good for one night.'
Norman Douglas, Almanac (1941): ''To find a friend one must close one eye . To keep him two.''
Unknown: ''A kiss is a pleasant reminder that two heads are better then one.''
Junior (Bob Hope) in Son of Paleface (1952): ''I like to kiss this girl because she has just the type of lips I like, one on top and one on the bottom .''
Bruce Rodgers. The Queens'' Vernacular (1972): ''We call-it fish , darling because it absolutely smells like one - a dead one.''
Angela Lambert (1990): ''Pornography is literature designed to be read with one hand.''
Angela Lambert (1990): ''Pornography is literature designed to be read with one hand.''
D'Artagnan (Gabriel Byrne) in The Man in the Iron Mask (1998): 'I believe that one man can love one woman all his life and be the better for it .'
Brian Slade (Jonathan Rhys-Meyers) in Velvet Goldmine (1998): 'Nothing makes one so vain as being told one is a sinner!'
Justice Dan Snow (Walter Matthau) in First Monday in October (1981): ''Just being offensive is not an offense. One man''s pornography may be another man''s poetry.'' Possibly a rewording of a famous line by Supreme Court Justice John Marshall Harlan said in a 1971 case on free speech: ''One man''s vulgarity is another man''s lyric.''
Sally Albright (Meg Ryan) in When Harry Met Sally (1989):'We wanted to live-together , but we didn't want to get married , because every time anyone we knew got married , it ruined their relationship . They practically never had sex again. It's true. It's one of the secrets that no one ever tells you.'
Sally Albright (Meg Ryan) in When Harry Met Sally (1989): 'We wanted to live-together , but we didn't want to get married , because every time anyone we knew got married , it ruined their relationship . They practically never had sex again. It's true. It's one of the secrets that no one ever tells you.'
Justice Dan Snow (Walter Matthau) in First Monday in October (1981): ''Just being offensive is not an offense. One man''s pornography may be another man''s poetry.'' Possibly a rewording of a famous line by Supreme Court Justice John Marshall Harlan said in a 1971 case on free speech: ''One man''s vulgarity is another man''s lyric.''
Charlie Bewell (Louis Calhern) giving fatherly advice to his daughter Susan Dewell Vega (Lucille Ball) on her wedding day in Forever, Darling (1956): ''The thing to remember is that in marriage the husband and wife are one... and the husband is the one.''
Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen) to Tanya after she offered to take him on as her second lover in The Naked Gun 33 1/3 - The Final Insult (1994): ''Kinky, but I like my sex the way I play basketball: one on one and with as little dribbling as possible.''
Sam McCord (John Wayne) in North to Alaska (1960): 'Women! I never met one yet that was half as reliable as a horse.' And later: 'Any woman who devotes herself to making one man miserable instead of a lot of men happy doesn't get my vote.'
Sam McCord (John Wayne) in North to Alaska (1960): ''Women! I never met one yet that was half as reliable as a horse.'' And later: ''Any woman who devotes herself to making one man miserable instead of a lot of men happy doesn''t get my vote.''
Sam McCord (John Wayne) in North to Alaska (1960): 'Women! I never met one yet that was half as reliable as a horse.' And later: 'Any woman who devotes herself to making one man miserable instead of a lot of men happy doesn't get my vote.'
James Graham, Marquis of Montrose (John Hurt) speaking of the barreN Scottish queen in Rob Roy (1994): ''Aie, one might have hoped that a field so regularly plowed might have yielded one good crop . In truth I have seen healthier graveyards than that woman''s womb .''
Charlie Bewell (Louis Calhern) to his daughter Susan (Lucille Ball) in Forever, Darling (1956): 'The thing to remember is that in marriage the husband and wife are one... and the husband is the one.'
Athos (Van Heflin) to d''Artagnan (Gene Kelly) and The Three Musketeers (1948): ''To die among friends. Can a man ask more, can the world offer less? Who wants to live till the last bottle is empty? It''s all-for one, d''Artagnan, and one for all.''
Rita Cavallini (Greta Garbo) to her friend Cornelius Van Tayl (Lewis Stone) in Romance (1930): 'What is love? It's made of kisses in the dark , of hot breath on the face , of hearts that beat with terribly strong blows. Love is just a beast that you feed all through the night and when the morning comes, love dies. ' And later: 'To me love is only a little warmth in all this cold , just a little light in all this darkness, one little minute to lie still in the beloved's arms, one little minute to forget and that's all.'
Sally Athelny (Frances Dee) and Philip Carey (Leslie Howard) in Of Human Bondage (1934): - Sally : 'Of course, I knew you never loved me as much as I loved you.' - Philip: 'Yes, that's usually the case . There's usually one who loves and one who is loved.' - Sally : 'It's always the same. If you want a man to be nice to you, you have to be rotten to him.'
The Oracle to Neo (Keanu Reeves) in The Matrix (1999): 'Being the one is just like being in-love . No one can tell you you're in-love . You just know it , through and through, balls to bones .'
The First Lady, Larramie Royce (Jill Ireland) to secret service agent Jay Killian (Charles Bronson) if he?s falling in-love-with the first lady in Assassination (1987):''Killian, these are Italian shoes. They qualify as a lethal weapon . You lay one finger on me and you?ll get one in the southern-hemisphere .''
Tira''s (Mae West) answer to her maid in I''m No Angel (1933): - Maid: ''I was under the impression you were a one-man woman .'' - Tira: ''I am. One man at a time.''
Tira''s (Mae West) answer to her maid in I''m No Angel (1933): - Maid: ''I was under the impression you were a one-man woman .'' - Tira: ''I am. One man at a time.''
''You city people. You''re all warm like dishwater. That don''t do nobody no good. (...) I mean you don''t run hot or cold . You should be one or the other, hot or cold , one or the other.'' Ruth Sullivan (Barbara Hershey) in the Louisiana Bayou to her visiting New York cousin Diana Sullivan (Jill Clayburgh) in Shy People (1987)
Alabama (Patricia Arquette) to Clarence Worley (Christian Slater) in True Romance (1993): ''Please shut up! I''m trying to come-clean , okay? I''ve been a call-girl for exactly four days and you''re my third customer. I want you to know that I''m not damaged-goods . I''m not what they call Florida white trash. I''m a good person and when it comes to relationships, I''m one-hundred percent, I''m one hundred percent... monogamous .''
Walter Matthau as Justice Dan Snow in First Monday in October (1981): ''Just being offensive is not an offense. One man''s pornography may be another man''s poetry.'' Possibly a rewording of a famous line by Supreme Court Justice John Marshall Harlan from a 1971 case trial on free speech: ''One man''s vulgarity is another man''s lyric.''
Sally Athelny (Frances Dee) and Philip Carey (Leslie Howard) in Of Human Bondage (1934): - Sally : ''Of course, I knew you never loved me as much as I loved you.'' - Philip: ''Yes, that''s usually the case . There''s usually one who loves and one who is loved.'' - Sally : ''It''s always the same. If you want a man to be nice to you, you have to be rotten to him.''
Sally Athelny (Frances Dee) and Philip Carey (Leslie Howard) in Of Human Bondage (1934): - Sally : ''Of course, I knew you never loved me as much as I loved you.'' - Philip: ''Yes, that''s usually the case . There''s usually one who loves and one who is loved.'' - Sally : ''It''s always the same. If you want a man to be nice to you, you have to be rotten to him.''
Sally Athelny (Frances Dee) and Philip Carey (Leslie Howard) in Of Human Bondage (1934): - Sally : ''Of course, I knew you never loved me as much as I loved you.'' - Philip: ''Yes, that''s usually the case . There''s usually one who loves and one who is loved.'' - Sally : ''It''s always the same. If you want a man to be nice to you, you have to be rotten to him.''
You know , one should never fear being wet .' August De Winter (Sean Connery) to Emma Peel (Uma Thurman) in The Avengers (1999)
Dorothy Parker: 'That woman speaks eighteen languages and she can't say 'no' in any one of them.'
Alice Munro (Binnie Barnes) to Hawkeye (Randolph Scott) in The Last of the Mohicans (1936): ''You know , it''s a very sad trail that leads to no one.''
Uncle Pio (Steven Geray) to Gilda (Rita Hayworth) in Gilda (1946): ''All bad-things end up lonely, little one.''
Larry (Woody Harrelson) in The People vs. Larry Flynt (1996) : ''Well, opinions are like assholes, your Honor. Everybody''s got one.''
Dirty Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) in The Dead Pool (1988): ''Opinions are like assholes - everybody has one.''
''You know , there''s nothing I like better than to meet a high-class mama that can snap back at you. Because the colder they are the hotter they get . That''s what I always say. Yes Sir! When a cold mama gets hot , boy! how she sizzles (...) Believe me sister, I could go-for you in a big way .'' Oscar ''One-On-The-Side'' Shapely (Roscoe Karns) to Ellie Andrews (Claudette Colbert) in It Happened One Night (1934)
Ed Forbes (Jack Paar) to Roberta Stevens (Marilyn Monroe) in Love Nest (1951): ''If there''s one thing I have a weakness for it''s girls who have a weakness.''
Ed Forbes (Jack Paar) to Roberta Stevens (Marilyn Monroe) in Love Nest (1951): ''If there''s one thing I have a weakness for it''s girls who have a weakness.''
Ed Forbes (Jack Paar) to Roberta Stevens (Marilyn Monroe) in Love Nest (1951): ''If there''s one thing I have a weakness for it''s girls who have a weakness.''
Ed Forbes (Jack Paar) to Roberta Stevens (Marilyn Monroe) in Love Nest (1951): ''If there''s one thing I have a weakness for it''s girls who have a weakness.''
Frederic Mullally, The Penthouse Sexicon (1968): ''Man who believes that two mates are more fun than one. Naturally, this makes him a criminal.''
Captain Jeffrey Spaulding (Groucho Marx) proposing marriage to both Mrs. Rittenhouse (Margaret Dumont) and Mrs. Whitehead (Margaret Irving) in Animal Crackers (1930): - Spaulding: ''Well, what do you say, girls? Are we all going to get married?'' - Rittenhouse: ''All of us?'' - Spaulding: ''All of us!'' - Rittenhouse: ''Yes, but that''s bigamy!'' - Spaulding: ''Yes, and it''s big-of-me too. It''s big of all of us. Let''s be big for a change. I''m sick of these conventional marriages. One woman and one man was good enough for your grandmother, but who wants to marry your grandmother?''
Oscar Wilde: ''Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.''
Claude Jobert (Judge Reinhold) a man with two wives and one mistress in Near Misses (1991): ''Just because bigamy is illegal doesn''t mean it''s easy.''
Madeline/Shanghai Lily (Marlene Dietrich) to Doc/Captain Donald Harvey (Clive Brook) in Shanghai Express (1932): ''It took more than one man to change my name to Shanghai Lily.''
'I'm a one-woman man , and I've had mine, thank God.' Ben Butley (Alan Bates) in Butley (1973)
Chauncey M . Depey (1834-1928): ''A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad ; an optimist is one who hopes they are.''
Chauncey M . Depey (1834-1928): ''A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad ; an optimist is one who hopes they are.''
Harry (Joe Pesci) to Kevin (Macaulay Culkin) in Home Alone (1990): ''You bop me with one more can , kid, and I''ll snap off your cojones and boil them in motor oil.''
Oscar Wilde: ''Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.''
Angela Brooks/Madam Satan (Kay Johnson) in Madam Satan (1930): ''True love is believing that the one you love is quite above defeat.''
Robert Gold (Dick Bogarde) to Diana Scott (Julie Christie) in Darling (1965): ''Your idea of fidelity is not having more than one man in bed at the same time.''
Charlotte Flax (Winona Ryder) in Mermaids (1990): 'Please, God! Don't let me fall in-love and do one-of-those disgusting things. '
Madeline/Shanghai Lily (Marlene Dietrich) to Doc/Captain Donald Harvey (Clive Brook) in Shanghai Express (1932): ''It took more than one man to change my name to Shanghai Lily.''
Michael (Kenneth Nelson) in The Boys in the Band (1970): ''There''s one thing to be said for masturbation : You certainly don''t have to look your best.''
Chauncey M . Depey (1834-1928): ''A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad ; an optimist is one who hopes they are.''
Ira Skitch (Will Rogers) to his son-in-law in Mr. Skitch (1933): 'A wife is a wonderful thing and no husband should be without one. Now, Harvey, I'm gonna give you a bit of advice from an old veteran husband to an amateur . The most dangerous year in married life is the first , then comes the second, and the third, and the fourth, and on down . Marriage is an institution. I've been an inmate of that institution long enough to know that the most successful marriage in one where the wife is the boss and don't know it .'
Sancho Panza (James Coco) to Aldonza (Sophia Loren) speaking of Don Quichote in Man of La Mancha (1972): 'They say one mad man makes in hundred and love makes in thousand.'
Charlotte Flax (Winona Ryder) in Mermaids (1990): 'Please, God! Don't let me fall in-love and do one-of-those disgusting things. '
Tira (Mae West) in I'm No Angel (1933): 'One figure can sometimes add up to a lot.'
Ira Skitch (Will Rogers) to his son-in-law in Mr. Skitch (1933): 'A wife is a wonderful thing and no husband should be without one. Now, Harvey, I'm gonna give you a bit of advice from an old veteran husband to an amateur . The most dangerous year in married life is the first , then comes the second, and the third, and the fourth, and on down . Marriage is an institution. I've been an inmate of that institution long enough to know that the most successful marriage in one where the wife is the boss and don't know it .'
Dorothy Parker: 'By the time you swear youre his / Shivering and sighing / And he vows his passion is / Infinite, undying - Lady, make a note of this: / One of you is lying.'
Sir August De Winter (Sean Connery) to Dr. Emma Peel (Uma Thrman) in The Avengers (1998): ''You know , one should never fear being wet .''
Sir August De Winter (Sean Connery) to Dr. Emma Peel (Uma Thrman) in The Avengers (1998): ''You know , one should never fear being wet .''
Lancelot (Richard Gere) in First Knicht (1995): ''I dare not kiss so lovely a lady . I have but one heart to lose.''
Frederic Mullally said of Dr. Kinsey in The Penthouse Sexicon (1968): ''U.S. sexologist who established that it takes more than one bang to make a resounding report.''
Frederic Mullally in The Penthouse Sexicon (1968): ''One whose attitude to the fair-sex is: "If you can''t join ''em, lick ''em."''
Isaac Davis (Woody Allen) and Mary Wilke (Diane Keaton) in Manhattan (1979): - Isaac: ''I have a kid. He''s being raised by two women at the moment.'' - Mary: ''Oh, you know , I think that works. They made some studies. I read it in one of the psychoanalytic quarterlies. You don''t need a male and two mothers are absolutely fine.'' - Isaac: ''Oh, really? Because I always feel very few people survive one mother .''
Isaac Davis (Woody Allen) and Mary Wilke (Diane Keaton) in Manhattan (1979): - Isaac: ''I have a kid. He''s being raised by two women at the moment.'' - Mary: ''Oh, you know , I think that works. They made some studies. I read it in one of the psychoanalytic quarterlies. You don''t need a male and two mothers are absolutely fine.'' - Isaac: ''Oh, really? Because I always feel very few people survive one mother .''
Dorothy Parker: ''That woman speaks eighteen languages and she can''t say ''no'' in any one of them.''
''The man is one giant gland.'' Peter''s (Tom Selleck) opinion of Jack (Ted Danson) in 3 Men and a Baby (1987)
Dorothy Parker: ''That woman speaks eighteen languages and she can''t say ''no'' in any one of them.''
''The man is one giant gland.'' Peter''s (Tom Selleck) opinion of Jack (Ted Danson) in 3 Men and a Baby (1987)
Lawrence Paros. The Erotic Tongue (1984): ''One man''s meat is another''s poisson.''
Lawrence Paros. The Erotic Tongue (1984): ''Two things smell like a fish , and one is a fish .''
Karen (R. Shugart) in Summer Job (1989): 'I can tell you're a man , and a friendly one at that, or that's a pickle in your pocket.'
Messenger 7013 (Edward Everett Horton) watching scheming Kitty Pendleton (Rita Hayworth) in Down to Earth (1947): ''Females! One head but two faces. ''
Humorously defined by Frederic Mullally in The Penthouse Sexicon (1968): ''One who strenuously denies that a miss is as good as a male.''
Tira (Mae West) in I''m No Angel (1933): ''One figure can sometimes add up to a lot.''
Jerry Travers (Fred Astaire) driving Dale Tremont''s (Ginger Rogers) hansom cab in Top Hat (1935): ''In dealing with a girl or horse, one lets nature take-its course.''
Lancelot (Richard Gere) in First Knicht (1995): ''I dare not kiss so lovely a lady . I have but one heart to lose.''
Michael (Kenneth Nelson) in The Boys in the Band (1970): ''There''s one thing to be said for masturbation : You certainly don''t have to look your best.''
John Buckner (Kieffer Sutherland) to Huey Walker (Dennis Hopper) in Flashback (1989): - John: ''Assume the position .'' - Huey: ''Which one did you have in mind?''
John Buckner (Kieffer Sutherland) to Huey Walker (Dennis Hopper) in Flashback (1989): - John: 'Assume the position .' - Huey: 'Which one did you have in mind?'
Navin R. Johnson (Steve Martin) as a carny in The Jerk (1979): 'For one dollar, I'll guess your weight, your height or your sex .'
Gordie Lachance (Wil Wheaton) pointing a gun at Ace Merrill (Keifer Sutherland) in Stand by Me (1986): ''Suck my fat-one you cheap dime-store hood .''
Cat (Angela Goethals) and V.I. Warshawski (Kathleen Turner) in V.I. Warshawski (1991): - Cat, a teenager : ''Do you have a kid?'' - V.I. Warshawski: ''I had one, but I killed it when it turned into a teenager .''
Lionel Twain (Truman Capote), claiming to be the greatest detective, and Sam Diamond (Peter Falk) in Murder by Death (1976). - Lionel Twain: ''Look at me! I''m the greatest! I''m number one!'' - Sam Diamond: ''To me you look like number-two . Know what I mean?''
Bob Seton (John Wayne) invited to dinner by William Cantrel (Walter Pigeon) in Dark Command (1940): ''It''s the first time I ever had two kinds of birds with one meal: turkey to eat and buzzards to look at.''
Sonja (Diane Keaton) and Boris (Woody Allen) in Love and Death (1975): - Sonja: 'Sex without love is an empty experience.' - Boris : 'Yes, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.'
Harry Bliss (Jack Nicholson) to Joan Spruance (Ellen Barkin) in Man Trouble (1992): ''I''m not one of these guys who''s going to look upon you as an object because I look upon a woman as a whole .''
Harry Bliss (Jack Nicholson) to Joan Spruance (Ellen Barkin) in Man Trouble (1992): ''I''m not one of these guys who''s going to look upon you as an object because I look upon a woman as a whole .''
Manicurist ValDale (Geena Davis) is willing to forgive her fianc Doctor Ted Gallagher (Charles Rocket) for having one last fling if he agrees to lay off nurses in Earth Girls are Easy (1989): 'A relationship is like a porcelain nail , Ted. You can break it and you can glue it back together but it's not going to be as strong as it was unless the person is really committed and not bringing home nurses.'
Maggie (Lainie Kazan) to Frannie (Teri Garr) in One from the Heart (1982):'Oh, Frannie! Five years with Hank and all you've got is time.'
Alexis Zorba (Anthony Quinn) to the Englishman Basil (Alan Bates) in Zorba the Greek (1964): 'If a woman sleeps alone it puts a shame on all men. God has a very big heart , but there is one sin He will not forgive. If a woman calls a man to her bed and he will not go.'
Alexis Zorba (Anthony Quinn) to the Englishman Basil (Alan Bates) in Zorba the Greek (1964): ''If a woman sleeps alone it puts a shame on all men. God has a very big heart , but there is one sin He will not forgive. If a woman calls a man to her bed and he will not go.''
K. S. Daly. Sex. An Encyclopedia for the Bewildered (1995): ''Following the first strip-tease performance at the Moulin Rouge in Paris in February 1893, other performances attempted to add some imaginative variety to the proceedings. One of these, La Puce (or The Flea) featured a young woman who, on discovering a flea in her clothing, had no option but to divest.''
Mamma Rose (Bette Midler) in in the TV-movie Gypsy (1993): ''Some men have called me an ecdysiast . Do you know what that means? An ecdysiast is one who, or that which, sheds it''s skin . In vulgar parlance, a stripper . But I''m not a stripper . At these prices, I''m an ecdysiast .''
K. S. Daly. Sex. An Encyclopedia for the Bewildered (1995): ''Following the first strip-tease performance at the Moulin Rouge in Paris in February 1893, other performances attempted to add some imaginative variety to the proceedings. One of these, La Puce (or The Flea) featured a young woman who, on discovering a flea in her clothing, had no option but to divest.''
Mamma Rose (Bette Midler) in in the TV-movie Gypsy (1993): ''Some men have called me an ecdysiast . Do you know what that means? An ecdysiast is one who, or that which, sheds it''s skin . In vulgar parlance, a stripper . But I''m not a stripper . At these prices, I''m an ecdysiast .''
Wally Fields (Jack Sheldon) and Loretta (Dori Brenner) in For the Boys (1991): - Wally: 'What would I have to give you for one little kiss?' - Loretta: 'Chloroform.'
Horny teenager Buddy Griffith (Billy Jacoby) and Denise (Toni Hudson) in Just One of the Boys (1985): - Buddy: 'Hey, Denise, what's the rush? We're young, we're wild. Let's be young and wild together.' - Denise: 'I'd rather get the phone book and pick a name at random.'
Garrett Breedlove (Jack Nicholson) and Aurora Greenway (Shirley MacLaine) in Terms of Endearment (1983): - Garrett: 'Trust me about this one thing . You need a lot of drinks.' - Aurora: 'To break the ice?' - Garrett: 'To kill the bug that you have up your ass .'
Buddy Griffith (Billy Jacoby) and Denise (Toni Hudson) in Just One of the Boys (1985): - Buddy:'Our parents are gone for two weeks. Do you know what that means? Their king size bed is empty.' - Denise:'I think that if you and I were the last man and woman on earth the human race would die out .'
Alma Brown (Patricia Neal) to Hud Bannon (Paul Newman) in Hud (1963):'No thanks. I've done my time with one cold-blooded bastard , I'm not looking for another.'
Patrick Verona (Heath Ledger) and Katarina Stratford (Julia Stiles) in 10 Things I Hate About You (1999): - Patrick: 'Don't get your panties in a twist .' - Katarina: 'Don't think for one minute that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties .' - Patrick: 'Well then, what did I have an effect on?' - Katarina: 'Other than my upchuck reflex, nothing .'
Isaac Davis (Woody Allen) to Mary Wilke (Diane Keaton) in Manhattan (1979): 'There must be something wrong with me because I've never had a relationship with a woman that lasted longer than the one between Hitler and Eva Braun.'
Harris K . Telemacher''s (Steve Martin) closing monologue in L.A. Story (1991): ''There are only two things in my life I will never forget: one is that-there is someone for everyone, even if you need a pick-axe, a compass, a night goggle to find them, and the other is tonight, when I learned that romance does exist in the heart of L.A.''
Dorothy Parker: ''Never run-after a bus or a man , there''ll be another one along in a minute.'' Rephrased slightly by the Marlboro (Don Johnson) to Harley (Mickey Rourke) in Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man (1991): ''My old-man used to say, before he left this shitty world , never chase buses or women. You always get left behind .''
Edwina Cutwater (Lily Tomlin) and Roger Cobb (Steve Martin) sharing the same body in All of Me (1984): - Edwina: 'What's so important about sex?' - Roger: 'That's like saying: what's so important about laughing or Duke Ellington or the World Series? It's one-of-those things that makes you feel like you're really living, like you're glad to be alive.' - Edwina: 'I am already glad to be alive. I don't need to play-tonsil-hockey with some English tart to feel good.'
Ambrose Bierce (Gregory Peck) to Harriet Winslow (Jane Fonda) in Old Gringo (1989): 'Man, as you know , is one of the most pathetic creatures on earth, condemned to a desire that contradicts all the laws of nature, to close the gap between two human beings. Some call this desire of love , and it is desperately impossible to satisfy.'
Clifford Stern (Woody Allen), a married man , tells his niece Jenny (Jenny Nichols) about his infatuation with Holly Reed (Mia Farrow) in Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989): ''My heart says one thing my head says another. It''s very hard to get your head and heart together in life . (...) In my case they''re not even friendly .''
Lena O''connor (Thelma Ritter) to Samantha ''Sam'' Blake (Joanne Woodward) in A New Kind of Love (1963): ''One thing a fellah doesn''t want from a girl is surprises. Forty percent of all divorce cases start on honeymoon night.''
Harry Bliss (Jack Nicholson) to Joan Spruance (Ellen Barkin) in Man Trouble (1992): ''I''m not one of these guys who''s going to look upon you as an object (...) because I look upon a woman as a whole .''
Guy Mann (Jonathan Banks) and Gwen Leonard (Sharon Lawrence) who kisses him in the TV series Fired Up (1997): - Guy: ''You know , you have to kiss a lot of frogs, before you find your prince.'' - Gwen: ''There, one frog closer.''
Kirbo (Emilio Estevez) in St. Elmo''s Fire (1985): ''She''s not just a girl . She''s the only evidence of God that I can find on this entire planet, with the exception of the mystical force that removes one of my socks from the dryer every time I do the laundry .''
Vicky Vale (Kim Basinger) and The Joker/Jack Napier (Jack Nicholson) in Batman (1989): - Vicky Lane: ''What do you want?'' - The Joker: ''My face on the one-dollar bill.''
Boner Miss Davis (Tonie Perensky) and her students in Varsity Blues (1999): - Miss Davis: 'Can anyone tell me a common slang term for the male erection?' - Student: 'Boner? Is boner one?' - Miss Davis: 'Yes! Boner is good, boner is very good!'
Garth Algar (Dana Carvey) and Wayne Campbell (Mike Myers) in Wayne's World (1992): - Garth: 'Wayne, what do you do if every time you see this one incredible woman you think you're going to hurl?' - Wayne: 'I say hurl . If you blow-chunks and she comes back , she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be.'
Alan Richter. The Language of Sexuality (1987): ''Fuck is one of a group of well-known four letter words, all Anglo-Saxon, or Old English, in origin, that are uncomplicated, easy to pronounce, and monosyllabic.''
Phyllis (Dorothy Lamour) having her hair washed when Sebastian (Cornel Wilde) walks by in The Greatest Show on Earth (1952): - Phyllis : ''Why is it that whenever he''s around I''m all wet?'' - Boyfriend: ''In more ways than one.''
Annie (Diane Keaton) relating her conversation with her analyst to Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) in Annie Hall (1977) - Annie:''Then she mentioned penis-envy . Do you know about that?'' - Alvy: ''Me?! I''m one of the few males who suffer from that.''
Phyllis (Dorothy Lamour) having her hair washed when Sebastian (Cornel Wilde) walks by in The Greatest Show on Earth (1952): - Phyllis : ''Why is it that whenever he''s around I''m all wet?'' - Boyfriend: ''In more ways than one.''
Marquise de Merteuil (Glenn Close) in Dangerous Liaisons (1988): ''When it comes to marriage one man is as good as the next, and even the least accomodating is less trouble than a mother .''
A journalist (Michael O''Keefe) and Nina (Laura San Giacomo) in Nina Takes a Lover (1995): - Journalist: ''There are basically two arguments about infidelity . One is that you''re either born monogamous or you''re not and the other is that we''re all capable, certain conditions in a marriage provoke it .'' - Nina: ''What do you think?'' - Journalist: ''I think it''s a little bit of both.''
Marquise de Merteuil (Glenn Close) in Dangerous Liaisons (1988): ''When it comes to marriage one man is as good as the next, and even the least accomodating is less trouble than a mother .''
Gaius Petronius (Leo Genn) in Quo Vadis? (1951): ''It is not enough to live well. One must die well.''
Lou (Lou Costello) in One Night in the Tropics (1940). The same joke was repeated in The Noose Hangs High (1948): ''A husband is what''s left of a sweetheart after the nerve has been killed.''
Wally Fields (Jack Sheldon) and Loretta (Dori Brenner) in For the Boys (1991): - Wally: ''What would I have to give you for one little kiss?'' - Loretta: ''Chloroform.''
Banjo (Jimmy Durante) to the nurse in The Man Who Came to Dinner (1942): ''Ah! My beautiful one. (...) I love you madly. (...) Kiss me! I can feel the hot blood pumping through your varicosed veins.''
Ivan (Ivan Lebedeff) and Cleo (Mae West) in Goin''to Town (1935): - Ivan Valadov: ''For one kiss of your lips I''d give half my life .'' - Cleo Borden: ''See me tomorrow and I''ll kiss you twice.''
Wild Bill Hickok (Gary Cooper) to a boy in The Plainsman (1936): 'Son, one of these days you're going to grow up and you oughta know about woman . The thing is this. Woman are euh... well euh... Well, son, I can tell you what an Indian will do to you but you never know what a woman will do .' And later: 'Women and me don't agree.'
Peter Warne (Clark Gable) to Ellie's (Claudette Colbert) father Alexander Andrews (Walter Connelly) in It Happened One Night (1934): 'What she needs is a guy who'd take a sock at her once a day whether she deserves it or not.'
'People ask me how many children I have and I say one boy and seven mistakes.' Muhammed Ali quoted in Tama Starr's The "Natural Inferiority" of Women (1991)
Wild Bill Hickok (Gary Cooper) to a boy in The Plainsman (1936): 'Son, one of these days you're going to grow up and you oughta know about woman . The thing is this. Woman are euh... well euh... Well, son, I can tell you what an Indian will do to you but you never know what a woman will do .' And later: 'Women and me don't agree.'
Peter Warne (Clark Gable) to Ellie's (Claudette Colbert) father Alexander Andrews (Walter Connelly) in It Happened One Night (1934): 'What she needs is a guy who'd take a sock at her once a day whether she deserves it or not.'
'People ask me how many children I have and I say one boy and seven mistakes.' Muhammed Ali quoted in Tama Starr's The "Natural Inferiority" of Women (1991)
Elie (Kevin Pollak) reciting the bachelor''s credo of dating in The Opposite Sex: And How to Live With Them (1993): ''The 3-F''s of Dating: One: Film. Two: Food. Three: Fuck.''
Wild Bill Hickok (Gary Cooper) to a boy in The Plainsman (1936): ''Son, one of these days you''re going to grow up and you oughta know about woman . The thing is this. Woman are euh... well euh... Well, son, I can tell you what an Indian will do to you but you never know what a woman will do .'' And later: ''Women and me don''t agree.''
Peter Warne (Clark Gable) to Ellie''s (Claudette Colbert) father Alexander Andrews (Walter Connelly) in It Happened One Night (1934): ''What she needs is a guy who''d take a sock at her once a day whether she deserves it or not.''
''People ask me how many children I have and I say one boy and seven mistakes.'' Muhammed Ali quoted in Tama Starr''s The "Natural Inferiority" of Women (1991)
Phyllis (Dorothy Lamour), washing her hair, and Sebastian (Cornel Wilde) when a handsome man walks by in The Greatest Show on Earth (1952): - Phyllis : ''Why is it that whenever he''s around I''m all wet?'' - Sebastian: ''In more ways than one.''
Phyllis (Dorothy Lamour), washing her hair, and Sebastian (Cornel Wilde) when a handsome man walks by in The Greatest Show on Earth (1952): - Phyllis : ''Why is it that whenever he''s around I''m all wet?'' - Sebastian: ''In more ways than one.''
Sword-swallower Irmy (Mia Farrow), who just admitted having-sex with a student for $700, and (Max) Kleinman (Woody Allen) in Shadows and Fog (1992): - Irmy: 'I slept with one person for money . Does that makes me a whore?' - Kleinmann: 'No, only by the dictionary definition.'
The local sheriff and Susan (Katharine Hepburn) about David (Cary Grant) in Bringing Up Baby (1938): - The Sheriff: ''Oh! So he''s a lady-killer?!'' - Susan Vance: ''A lady-killer?! Why he''s a regular Don Swan. (...) He bops them over, one, two, three, boom. Just like that. He''s a wolf .''
Nick Charles (William Powell) complimenting Claire Porter (Stella Adler) in Shadow of the Thin Man (1941): - Claire: ''A camelia doesn''t have a fragrance.'' - Nick: ''It doesn''t need one, around you.''
Laurence Shames. Sunburn: ''A woman you really liked looked prettier after you''d been to bed with her; a woman you didn''t, did not. This was one of the ways a man knew if he might''ve been falling in-love .''
Call-in radio show ''Doctor'' Shirlee Kenyan (Dolly Parton) to one of her callers in Straight Talk (1992): ''Like my daddy always used to say: a bird and a fish can fall in-love , but where do they make a home?''
Charlotte Flax (Winona Ryder) crossing herself in Mermaids (1990): ''Please, God! Don''t let me fall in-love and do one-of-those disgusting things. ''
Maid Marian (Amy Yasbeck) and Robin (Cary Elwes) in Robin Hood. Men in Tights (1993): - Marian: ''Oh, darling . Don''t despair for it is written on a scroll: One day he who is destined for me shall be endowed with the magical key that will bring an end to my... virginity .'' - Robin: ''Oh, Marian. If only it were me.'' - Marian: ''Oh, if it were you it would be t-w-errific!'' (Marian is wearing a chastity-belt .)
Maid Marian (Amy Yasbeck) and Robin (Cary Elwes) in Robin Hood. Men in Tights (1993): - Marian: ''Oh, darling . Don''t despair for it is written on a scroll: One day he who is destined for me shall be endowed with the magical key that will bring an end to my... virginity .'' - Robin: ''Oh, Marian. If only it were me.'' - Marian: ''Oh, if it were you it would be t-w-errific!'' (Marian is wearing a chastity-belt .)
Lena (Thelma Ritter) to Samantha (Joanne Woodward) in A New Kind of Love (1963): ''One thing a fellah doesn''t want from a girl is surprises. 40% of all divorce cases start on honeymoon night.''
Lena (Thelma Ritter) to Samantha (Joanne Woodward) in A New Kind of Love (1963): ''One thing a fellah doesn''t want from a girl is surprises. 40% of all divorce cases start on honeymoon night.''
Lionel Twain (Truman Capote), claiming to be the greatest detective, and Sam Diamond (Peter Falk) in Murder by Death (1976). - Lionel Twain: ''Look at me! I''m the greatest! I''m number one!'' - Sam Diamond: ''To me you look like number-two . Know what I mean?''
Bob Seton (John Wayne) invited to dinner by William Cantrel (Walter Pigeon) in Dark Command (1940): ''It''s the first time I ever had two kinds of birds with one meal: turkey to eat and buzzards to look at.''
''Of course you''re confused , you''re wearing my underwear .'' Buddy Griffith (Billy Jacoby) to his sister Terry (Joyce Hyser) who disquised herself as a boy to write an article for a contest in Just One of the Boys (1985)
Lt. Alexis Rosanoff (Ramon Novarro) and Mata Hari (Greta Garbo) in Mata Hari (1932): - Lt. Alexis: 'I love you as one adores sacred things. ' - Mata Hari: 'What sacred things?' - Lt. Alexis: 'God, country , honor, you.' - Mata Hari: 'I come last?' - Lt. Alexis: 'No, you come first , before anything.'
Carmen Navarro (Carmen Miranda) and her fiance Lionel Deveraux (Groucho Marx) in Copacabana (1947): - Carmen: ''Why are you always chasing women?'' - Lionel: ''I''ll tell you as soon as I catch one.''
John Barrymore (as himself) in Playmates (1941): '- Wives are funny, aren't they? - Definitely. Ask the man who owns one.'
Dave (James Stewart) overcoming his suspicions and jealousy towards Whitey (Jean Harlow) in Wife vs. Secretary (1936): ''All the fighting and worrying people do always seem to be about one thing ; they don''t trust each other. Well, I''ve found this out : Don''t look for trouble where there isn''t any because if you don''t find it , you''ll make-it . Just believe in someone.''
''When a girl is under twenty-one, she''s protected by law. When she''s over sixty-five, she''s protected by nature. Anywhere in-between , she''s fair-game .'' Captain Matt Sherman (Cary Grant) in Operation Petticoat (1959)
Wild Bill Hickok (Gary Cooper) to a boy in The Plainsman (1936): ''Son, one of these days you''re going to grow up and you oughta know about woman . The thing is this. Woman are euh... well euh... Well, son, I can tell you what an Indian will do to you but you never know what a woman will do .''
Lady Lou (Mae West) in She Done Him Wrong (1933): - Friend: ''Ah, Lady Lou, you''re a fine gal , a fine woman .'' - Lady Lou: ''One of the finest women that ever walked the streets .''
Lawrence Paros. The Erotic Tongue (1984): ''Playing with oneself (18-20th C .) is a worthwhile activity for both sexes and one of the most rewarding of all the sexual practices. In terms of orgasmic efficacy, it seldom fails us. Alfred Kinsey reported that 95 percent of the time it is successful, with 75 percent of the participants attaining climax (20th C .) in less than four minutes.''
Horny, 15-years old Buddy Griffith (Billy Jacoby) hitting on Denise (Toni Hudson) in Just One of the Boys (1985): ''Don''t get me wrong. It''s not like I''ve never had sex before. I''ve had plenty of sex . It''s just that now I''d like to try it with a partner .''
Lawrence Paros. The Erotic Tongue (1984): ''Playing with oneself (18-20th C .) is a worthwhile activity for both sexes and one of the most rewarding of all the sexual practices. In terms of orgasmic efficacy, it seldom fails us. Alfred Kinsey reported that 95 percent of the time it is successful, with 75 percent of the participants attaining climax (20th C .) in less than four minutes.''
From Graffiti. Two Thousand Years of Wall Writing by Robert Reisner: a) ''Minorbation is good during depression.'' b) ''One orgasm in the bush is worth two in the hand.''
Horny, 15-years old Buddy Griffith (Billy Jacoby) hitting on Denise (Toni Hudson) in Just One of the Boys (1985): ''Don''t get me wrong. It''s not like I''ve never had sex before. I''ve had plenty of sex . It''s just that now I''d like to try it with a partner .''
From Graffiti. Two Thousand Years of Wall Writing by Robert Reisner: a) ''Minorbation is good during depression.'' b) ''One orgasm in the bush is worth two in the hand.''
Lady Lou (Mae West) in She Done Him Wrong (1933): - Friend: ''Ah, Lady Lou, you''re a fine gal , a fine woman .'' - Lady Lou: ''One of the finest women that ever walked the streets .''
Lady Lou (Mae West) in She Done Him Wrong (1933): - Friend: ''Ah, Lady Lou, you''re a fine gal , a fine woman .'' - Lady Lou: ''One of the finest women that ever walked the streets .''
Georges Duroy/Bel Ami (George Sanders) in The Private Affairs of Bel Ami (1947): 'Love is a subject which always interests women perhaps because in discussing it one passes so readily from the general to the particular.'
Sonja (Diane Keaton) and Boris (Woody Allen) in Love and Death (1975): - Sonja: 'Sex without love is an empty experience.' - Boris : 'Yes, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.'
A journalist (Michael O''Keefe) and Nina (Laura San Giacomo) in Nina Takes a Lover (1995): - Journalist: ''There are basically two arguments about infidelity . One is that you''re either born monogamous or you''re not and the other is that we''re all capable, certain conditions in a marriage provoke it .'' - Nina: ''What do you think?'' - Journalist: ''I think it''s a little bit of both.''
Barbara Willis (Mary Astor), a married-woman confessing a moment of weakness with Dennis Carson (Clark Gable), and Vantine (Jean Harlow) in Red Dust (1932): - Barbara: ''It was one-of-those excitement-of-the-moment things. '' - Vantine: ''Well, watch out for the next moment, honey , it''s longer than the first .''
Mrs. Morehead (Lucille Watson) to her daughter Mary Haines (Norma Shearer) in The Women (1939): ''A man has only one escape from his old self. To see a different self in the mirror of a woman''s eyes .''
Don Juan (Johnny Depp) describes his love for Dona Ana (Geraldine Paililas) in Don-Juan DeMarco (1994): ''There are those who do not believe that a single soul born in heaven can split into twin spirits and shoot like falling stars to earth where over oceans and continents their magnetic forces will finally unite them back into one. But how else to explain love at first sight?''
The journalist (Michael O''Keefe) and Nina (Laura San Giacomo) in Nina Takes a Lover (1995): - Journalist: ''There are basically two arguments about infidelity . One is that you''re either born monogamous or you''re not and the other is that we''re all capable, certain conditions in a marriage provoke it .'' - Nina: ''What do you think?'' - Journalist: ''I think it''s a little bit of both.''
Jezebel Dezire (Ann-Margret) and Lou Peckinpaugh (Peter Falk) in The Cheap Detective (1978): - Jezebel : ''See anything you like? I''m Jezebel Dezire, accent on the Dezire.'' - Lou: ''How do you do? I''m Peck Lookinpaugh.'' - Jezebel : ''Don''t worry, I do that to every one, even to myself.''
Willa Weston (Jamie Lee Curtis) and Rollo Lee (John Cleese) in Fierce Creatures (1997): - Willa: ''Is this one your favorite Rollo?'' - Rollo: ''Yes. Yes, I like him breast - BEST - of all the small mammaries - MAMMALS!''
Retired actress Carlotta Vance (Marie Dressler) in Dinner at Eight (1933): ''If there''s one thing I know it''s men. I ought to. It''s been my life work .''
Rajah (Nigel de Brulier) and Tira (Mae West) in I''m no Angel (1933): - Rajah: ''I see a wonderful future. I see a man in your life .'' - Tira: ''What, only one?''
Jack Burns (Kirk Douglas) to the prison guard Guitierrez (George Kennedy) in Lonely are the Brave (1962): ''Take it easy! Temper like that, one of these days you''ll find yourself riding through town with your belly to the sun, your best suit on , and no place to go but hell .''
Retired actress Carlotta Vance (Marie Dressler) in Dinner at Eight (1933): ''If there''s one thing I know it''s men. I ought to. It''s been my life work .''
Rajah (Nigel de Brulier) and Tira (Mae West) in I''m no Angel (1933): - Rajah: ''I see a wonderful future. I see a man in your life .'' - Tira: ''What, only one?''
''When a girl is under twenty-one, she''s protected by law. When she''s over sixty-five, she''s protected by nature. Anywhere in-between , she''s fair-game .'' Captain Matt Sherman (Cary Grant) in Operation Petticoat (1959)
Wild Bill Hickok (Gary Cooper) to a boy in The Plainsman (1936): ''Son, one of these days you''re going to grow up and you oughta know about woman . The thing is this. Woman are euh... well euh... Well, son, I can tell you what an Indian will do to you but you never know what a woman will do .''
Lady Lou (Mae West) in She Done Him Wrong (1933): - Friend: ''Ah, Lady Lou, you''re a fine gal , a fine woman .'' - Lady Lou: ''One of the finest women that ever walked the streets .''
''When a girl is under twenty-one, she''s protected by law. When she''s over sixty-five, she''s protected by nature. Anywhere in-between , she''s fair-game .'' Captain Matt Sherman (Cary Grant) in Operation Petticoat (1959)
Wild Bill Hickok (Gary Cooper) to a boy in The Plainsman (1936): ''Son, one of these days you''re going to grow up and you oughta know about woman . The thing is this. Woman are euh... well euh... Well, son, I can tell you what an Indian will do to you but you never know what a woman will do .''
Lady Lou (Mae West) in She Done Him Wrong (1933): - Friend: ''Ah, Lady Lou, you''re a fine gal , a fine woman .'' - Lady Lou: ''One of the finest women that ever walked the streets .''
Betty Dodson in the Sex for One segment of the HBO Special The Best of Real Sex (1993): 'There's no such as a frigid woman ; it's somebody who hasn't learned how to have an orgasm .'
Pvt. Judy Benjamin (Goldie Hawn) who after two marriages (one lasting 6 six weeks, the other 6 hours), finally has an orgasm (after 6 hours) with Henrie Trmont (Armand Assante) in Private Benjamin (1980): 'Now I know what I've been faking all these years.'
Betty Dodson in the Sex for One segment of the HBO Special The Best of Real Sex (1993): ''There''s no such as a frigid woman ; it''s somebody who hasn''t learned how to have an orgasm .''
Pvt. Judy Benjamin (Goldie Hawn) who after two marriages (one lasting 6 six weeks, the other 6 hours), finally has an orgasm (after 6 hours) with Henrie Trmont (Armand Assante) in Private Benjamin (1980): ''Now I know what I''ve been faking all these years.''
Lionel Twain (Truman Capote), claiming to be the greatest detective, and Sam Diamond (Peter Falk) contradicting him in Murder by Death (1976): - Lionel Twain: ''Look at me! I''m the greatest! I''m number one!'' - Sam Diamond: ''To me you look like number-two . Know what I mean?''
Thornton Melon (Rodney Dangerfield) in Back to School (1986): ''It''s a jungle out there. You''ve got to look out for number-one ... but don''t step in number-two .''
Penguin/Oswald Cobblepot (Danny De Vito) about his parents who threw in the sewers as a child in Batman Returns (1992): ''I was their number-one son and they treated me like number-two .''
Felix/Baron Von Gaigern (John Barrymore) to Grusinskaya (Greta Garbo) in Grand Hotel (1932): ''You must believe one thing . You must believe that I love you. That I''ve never known love like this until now.''
David Addison (Bruce Willis) to Maddy Hayes (Cybill Shepherd) in Moonlighting (1985): ''You''re one cold icy broad . You have your nose so high in the air it''s snowing on your brain.''
''One orgasm in the bush is worth two in the hand.'' From Graffiti. Two Thousand Years of Wall Writing by Robert Reisner.
Cross-dressers Jerry/Daphne (Jack Lemmon) to Joe/Josephine (Tony Curtis) in Some Like It Hot (1959): ''Now you''ve done it! (...) You tore off one of my chests. ''
Vince Boudreaux (Woody Harrelson) in Play It To The Bone (1999): ''If a man builds a thousand bridges and sucks one dick , they don''t call him a bridge-builder; they call him a cocksucker .''
Fast Eddie Felson (Paul Newman) to Vince (Tom Cruise) in The Color of Money (1986): ''You''ve got to have two things to win . You''ge got to have brains and you''ve got to have balls . You''ve got too much of one and not enough of the other.''
''One day, that looking-glass will be the man who loves you. It''ll be his eyes maybe and you''ll look in that miror and you''ll be more than pretty, you''ll be beautiful.'' Starbuck (Burt Lancaster) to Lizzie (Katharine Hepburn) in The Rainmaker (1956)
''The world is changing, but two things remain constant. (...) Youth, and beauty . You know they''re really one and the same thing .'' Dudley (Cary Grant), an angel , to Julia Brougham (Loretta Young) in The Bishop''s Wife (1947)
''It''s a problem being beautiful. It''s only the handsome men that ask us out because they''re the only ones who think they have a chance. And handsome men are dolts. Life is unfair to us. At some point we have to face the certain reality. Despite all the good the world seems to offer, true happiness can only be found in one thing ... shopping.'' Ling Woo (Lucy Liu) in Ally McBeal (1997)
William Shakespeare. Othello (1605): Iago: ''I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter and the Moor are now making-the-beast-with-two-backs .''
Debra (Deborah Goodrich) and Terry (Joyce Hyser) in Just One of the Boys (1985): - Debra: ''Deep down he''s insecure.'' About her boyfriend Greg. - Terry: ''Up front he''s an asshole .''
Daryl (Jack Nicholson) to Alex (Cher) in The Witches of Eastwick (1987): - Daryl: ''Interesting word ball room.'' - Alex: ''It''s always been one of my favorites.''
Lt. Alexis Rosanoff (Ramon Novarro) and Mata Hari (Greta Garbo) in Mata Hari (1932): - Alexis: 'I love you as one adores sacred things. ' - Mata Hari:'What sacred things?' - Alexis: 'God, country , honor, you.' - Mata Hari:'I come last?' - Alexis:'No, you come first , before anything.'
Abe (Alan King) in Memories of Me (1988): ''At my age you worry about two things. One, you''re with a woman and she says, let''s do-it again right now, and the other is, who''s going to come to my funeral?''
Retiring lawman Jack Beauregard (Henry Fonda) in My Name is Nobody (1973). ''I was getting to be one more old-timer and the years don''t make wisdom they just make old age .''
Cleo Borden (Mae West) staging an opera in Goin'' to Town (1935): ''I''m gonna sing Delilah . I''ve got a lot of respect for that dame . There''s one lady barber that made good.''
''Wow! You''re one cold icy broad . You have your nose so high in the air it''s snowing on your brain.'' David Addison (Bruce Willis) to Madeleine ''Maddy'' Hayes (Cybill Shepherd) in Moonlighting (1985)
Charlotte Flax (Winona Ryder) implores God by crossing herself in Mermaids (1990): ''Please, God! Don''t let me fall in-love and do one-of-those disgusting things. ''
Cleo Borden (Mae West) staging an opera in Goin'' to Town (1935): ''I''m gonna sing Delilah . I''ve got a lot of respect for that dame . There''s one lady barber that made good.''
Peter Warne (Clark Gable) to Ellie (Claudette Colbert) who asked: ''What are you thinking about?'' in It Happened One Night (1934): ''I was just wondering what makes dames like you so dizzy .''
Allan (Woody Allen) and an imaginary Bogey (voice by Jerry Lacy) in Play It Again, Sam (1972): - Allan: ''What''s the matter with me? Why can''t I be cool? What''s the secret?'' - Bogey: ''There''s no secret, kid. Dames are simple. I never met one that didn''t understand a slap on the mouth or a slug from a .45.''
Waldo Lydecker (Clifton Webb) to Det. Mark McPherson (Dana Andrews) in Laura (1944): - Waldo: ''Did you ever know a woman who wasn''t a doll or a dame?'' - Mark: ''Yes, one, but she kept walking me past furniture windows to look at the parlor suites.''
Jerry (Jack Lemmon) disquised as a woman in Some Like It Hot (1959): ''We wouldn''t be caught dead with men. Rough, hairy beasts. Eight hands. And they all want just one thing from a girl .''
Lena O''connor (Thelma Ritter) to Samantha Blake (Joanne Woodward) in A New Kind of Love (1963): ''One thing a fellah doesn''t want from a girl is surprises. Forty percent of all divorce cases start on honeymoon night.''
Waldo Lydecker (Clifton Webb) to Det. Mark McPherson (Dana Andrews) in Laura (1944): - Waldo: ''Did you ever know a woman who wasn''t a doll or a dame?'' - Mark: ''Yes, one, but she kept walking me past furniture windows to look at the parlor suites.''
Mrs. Morehead (Lucille Watson) to her daughter Mary (Norma Shearer) in The Women (1939): ''A man has only one escape from his old self. To see a different self in the mirror of a woman''s eyes .''
Anonymous: ''The sexual life of the camel is stranger than anyone thinks: One night a horny old camel attempted to bugger the sphinx. Alas, the ass of the statue was filled with the sand of the Nile, which explains the hump on the camel and the sphinx''s inscrutable smile.''
Pool husther Vince (Tom Cruise), Carmen (Mary E. Mastrantonio) in The Color of Money (1986): - Vince: ''Carmen, I''m playing here!'' - Carmen: ''Yeah! I know! Listen, you win one more game you''re gonna be humping your fist for a long time. O .K. Vincent?''
Ellie Andrews (Claudette Colbert) and Peter Warne (Clark Gable) in It Happened One Night (1934): - Ellie: ''Your ego is absolutely colossal!'' - Peter: ''Not bad . How about yours?''
Jerry (Jack Lemmon) disquised as a woman in Some Like It Hot (1959): ''We wouldn''t be caught dead with men. Rough, hairy beasts. Eight hands. And they all want just one thing from a girl .''
Stella (Thelma Ritter) and Jeff (James Stewart) in Rear Window (1954): - Stella: ''Maybe one day she''ll find her happiness.'' - Jeff: ''Yeah, some man will lose his.''
SS Colonel Herbert Kappler (Christopher Plummer) to Monsignor Hugh O''Flaherty (Gregory Peck) in The Scarlet and the Black (1983): ''I know what humanity is. It''s one half with the power and the will to use it and the other-half only cattle to be led.''
Buddy (Billy Jacoby) (aged 15) and his sister Terry (Joyce Hyser) in Just One of the Boys (1985): - Buddy: ''The clock is ticking. I have to get Jamie.'' - Terry: ''Can''t you hear what you''re saying? Aren''t you embarassed?'' - Buddy: ''No, I''m horny . Horny will kick embarassed''s ass any time.''
British agent 007 James Bond (Pierce Brosnan) loosing the first hand of baccara to Soviet agent Xena Onatopp (Famke Janssen) in GoldenEye (1995): - James: 'It appears we have the same passions. Three anyway.' - Xena: 'I count two. Motoring and baccara... I hope the third is where your real talent lies.' - James: 'One rises to meet a challenge.'
'It looks like Chuck's taken the old-one-eye to the optometrist.' Grandpa Gustafson (Burgess Meredith) spying Chuck (Ossie Davis), with flowers and champagne , going to Ariel's (Ann-Margret) house in Grumpy Old Men (1993)
Lola Cain (Sean Young) treating Ned Ravine (Armand Assante) to a hot hot-dog after failing to arouse his interest with everything else in Fatal Instinct (1993). - Lola: 'Well, if I can't buy you a drink how about one of those?' - Ned: 'Who can say no to a wiener .' - Lola: 'Not me.'
'I'm not one of these guys who's going to look upon you as an object (...) because I look upon a woman as a whole .' Harry Bliss (Jack Nicholson) to Joan Spruance (Ellen Barkin) in Man Trouble (1992)
Daryl (Jack Nicholson) to Alex (Cher) in The Witches of Eastwick (1987): - Daryl: 'Interesting word ball room.' - Alex: 'It's always been one of my favorites.'
'What do these South American girls have below the equator that we haven't?' One of the chorus-girls jealous of Brazil-born Belinda De Rezenda (Dolores Del Rio) in Flying Down to Rio (1933)
''Henry, some men are broken by the laws that they break , unable to resist the force that are pushing them down , other men live by the rules that society has set down . You''re not one of them.'' Associate warden Milton Glenn (Gary Oldman) to Henry Young (Kevin Bacon) in Murder in the First (1994)
Hesther Prynne (Demi Moore) in The Scarlet Letter (1995): ''How close they are love and hate. We are no less man by one than the other.''
Pirate Jamie Waring/Jamie Boy (Tyrone Power) and Lady Margaret Danby (Maureen O''Hara) in The Black Swan (1942): ''I didn''t know a woman could do this to a man , to make him itch to strangle her one minute and marry her the next.''
Anna/Olga (Janet Leigh) to Jim (John Wayne) in Jet Pilot (1957): ''One minute I want to kill you and the next I want to... kiss you... and kiss you, and kiss you. (...) I''ve never met anyone before who aroused and revolted me in the same proportion.''
Louis Cyphre (Lucifer) (Robert De Niro) in Angel Heart (1987):''They say there''s just enough religion in the world to make men hate one another but not enough to make them love .''
Ballin Mundson (George Macready) to his wife Gilda (Rita Hayworth) about her hate for Johnny Farrell (Glenn Ford) in Gilda (1946): ''Hate can be a very exciting emotion. Very exciting. Haven''t you noticed that? There''s a heat in it that one can feel.''
Lady Lou (Mae West) in She Done Him Wrong (1933): - Friend: ''Ah, Lady Lou, you''re a fine gal , a fine woman .'' - Lady Lou: ''One of the finest women that ever walked the streets .''
Robin of Locksley (Cary Elwes) to the merry men of Sherwood forest in Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993): - Robin Hood: 'Are you with me, yea or nay?' - Merry Men: 'Which one means yes?'
Lena (Thelma Ritter) to Sam/Samantha (Joanne Woodward) in A New Kind of Love (1963): ''One thing a fellah doesn''t want from a girl is surprises. Forty percent of all divorce cases start on honeymoon night.''
Thornton Melon (Rodney Dangerfield) in Back to School (1986): ''It''s a jungle out there. You''ve got to look out for number-one ... but don''t step in number-two .''
Penguin/Oswald Cobblepot (Danny De Vito) about his parents who threw in the sewers as a child in Batman Returns (1992): ''I was their number-one son and they treated me like number-two .''
Lionel Twain (Truman Capote), claiming to be the greatest detective, and Sam Diamond (Peter Falk) contradicting him in Murder by Death (1976): - Lionel Twain: ''Look at me! I''m the greatest! I''m number one!'' - Sam Diamond: ''To me you look like number-two . Know what I mean?''
Pirate Jamie Waring/Jamie Boy (Tyrone Power) and Lady Margaret Danby (Maureen O''Hara) in The Black Swan (1942): ''I didn''t know a woman could do this to a man , to make him itch to strangle her one minute and marry her the next.''
Drag queens Noxema/Zima Jackson/Auntie Noxy (Wesley Snipes) and Chichi Rodriquez (John Leguizamo) in To Wong Foo. Thanks for Everything. Julie Newmar (1995): - Noxema: ''Darling, if you''re going to become a drag-queen , you''re gonna have to learn these things. '' - Chichi: ''What do you mean ''a drag queen''? I am a drag queen!'' - Noxema: ''Oh, child, no , no , no . You''re simply a boy in a dress. When a straight man puts a dress and gets his sexual kick he is a transvestite ; when a man is a woman trapped in a man''s body and has the little operation he is a transsexual ; (...) when a gay man has way too much fashion sense for one gender he is a drag-queen . (...) And when a light little Latin boy puts on a dress he is simply a boy in a dress.'' In the end , they agree to give Chichi the temporary title of ''drag princess .''
Elaine Navazio (Sally Kellerman) and Barney Cashman (Alan Arkin) in Last of the Red Hot Lovers (1972). Elaine is Barney''s first of three unsuccessful attempts at middle-age, extra-marital sex . - Elaine:''Is it possible that you''re actually as cold as you sound?'' - Barney:''I need gloves to take off my underwear .'' - Elaine: ''Flippant, wise and cold . You don''t permit yourself to be honest and open for a minute, do you?'' - Barney:''Barney, I''m gonna give you one free hint so the afternoon isn''t a total write off . If you want undying love and romance , take a guitar and go to Spain. I''m leaving for good. My peek has ebbed.'' - Elaine: ''Cold, callous and unemotional.'' - Barney:''Those are my attorneys. You know where to get in touch with me.''
Sung by Eric Idle in Monty Python. The Meaning of Life (1983): ''Isn''t it awfully nice to have a penis / Isn''t it frightfully good to have-it-on / It''s swell to have a stiffy / It''s divine to own a dick / From the tiniest little tadger to the world''s biggest prick / So, three cheers for your Willy or John-Thomas / Hooray for your one-eyed-trouser-snake / Your piece of pork , your wife''s best-friend , your passing or your cock / You can wrap it up in ribbons, you can stuff it in your sock / But don''t take-it out in public or they''ll stick you in the dock and you won''t come back .''
Robert Schimmel guest star on the Rodney Dangerfield comedy special Nothin'' Goes Right (1988): ''Some of these guys only like it if they think the girl doesn''t like it ; it''s some sort of weird power trip thing for these guys. It''s like anal-sex . I think if you really wanted to try that with a girl and she said: ''OK, but be really gentle because no one ever did anything like this to me before.'' You''d get the hard-on of a lifetime. But if she said: ''Give me that big dick and drive me around the block .'' You wouldn''t be able to get-it-up if there was money involved.''
Charles Panati. Sexy Origins and Intimate Things (1998): ''Seldom do men and women equally embrace a fashion trend, and when they do the mutual enthusiasm lasts only briefly. The opposite-sexes like being opposites in as many ways as possible. When French and Italian men began to be turned-on to the female leg in decorative high heels, they did not like to see the same erotic footwear on the feet of men. All but a few men stopped wearing high heels, which went from being a mans standard footwear to one of his favorite sexual fetishes. ''
Sung by Eric Idle in Monty Python. The Meaning of Life (1983): ''Isn''t it awfully nice to have a penis / Isn''t it frightfully good to have-it-on / It''s swell to have a stiffy / It''s divine to own a dick / From the tiniest little tadger to the world''s biggest prick / So, three cheers for your Willy or John-Thomas / Hooray for your one-eyed-trouser-snake / Your piece of pork , your wife''s best-friend , your passing or your cock / You can wrap it up in ribbons, you can stuff it in your sock / But don''t take-it out in public or they''ll stick you in the dock and you won''t come back .''
Sung by Eric Idle in Monty Python. The Meaning of Life (1983): ''Isn''t it awfully nice to have a penis / Isn''t it frightfully good to have-it-on / It''s swell to have a stiffy / It''s divine to own a dick / From the tiniest little tadger to the world''s biggest prick / So, three cheers for your Willy or John-Thomas / Hooray for your one-eyed-trouser-snake / Your piece of pork , your wife''s best-friend , your passing or your cock / You can wrap it up in ribbons, you can stuff it in your sock / But don''t take-it out in public or they''ll stick you in the dock and you won''t come back .''
Rebecca Trager Lott (Elizabeth Perkins), Alberta Russell (Kathleen Turner), Sylvie Morrow (Whoopi Goldberg), Alberta and Rebecca again in Moonlight and Valentino (1995): - Rebecca: 'I just realized that we have all kinds of womanhood here right now. We have a single-woman , a married-woman , a divorced woman and of course the ever present widow.' - Alberta: 'These are just words that describe your marital status, not womanhood . I don't think you ought to describe yourself in that-way , Rebecca.' - Sylvie: 'Why not?' - Alberta: 'Because it implies that we change ourselves around men. I mean, we are who we are irrespective of the company we keep.' - Rebecca: 'Hmm, hmm, which is why ever since some painter screamed for his idot dog with his stupid name we have been unable to utter one intelligent word.'
Taylor (Mark Harmon) and Veronica (Madeleine Stowe) in Worth Winning (1989): - Taylor: ''Veronica, it is not real life , it is a fairy tale. Come on! Did you ever read The Frog Prince? In that one he''s staying a frog until she kisses him and brings him back to life .'' - Veronica : ''Yeah, well I kissed a lot of frogs and I haven''t met a prince yet.'' - Taylor: ''You''re kissing the wrong frogs. It''s hard to find the right person. It''s a search, a process. I don''t think it''s supposed to be easy.'' -Veronica: ''You know , some say you have to kiss a frog twice.''
''Tom, there''s a whole lot I don''t understand, but going away ain''t going to ease us. There was a time, when we were on the land, there was a boundary to us then. Old folks died off and little fellahs came. We was always one thing . We was the family . Kind of whole and clear. But now we ain''t clear no more. There ain''t nothing that keeps us clear. (...) We''re cracking up , Tom. There ain''t no family now.'' Ma Joad (Jane Darwell) to her son Tom (Henry Fonda) in The Grapes of Wrath (1940)
Sung by Eric Idle in Monty Python. The Meaning of Life (1983): ''Isn''t it awfully nice to have a penis / Isn''t it frightfully good to have-it-on / It''s swell to have a stiffy / It''s divine to own a dick / From the tiniest little tadger to the world''s biggest prick / So, three cheers for your Willy or John-Thomas / Hooray for your one-eyed-trouser-snake / Your piece of pork , your wife''s best-friend , your passing or your cock / You can wrap it up in ribbons, you can stuff it in your sock / But don''t take-it out in public or they''ll stick you in the dock and you won''t come back .''
Brodie (Jason Lee) explains to T.S. (Jeremy London) and Gwen (Joey Lauren Adams) why his relationship with Rene failed in Mallrats (1995): - Brodie: ''You know how when someone lays with their back to you and you lay behind ''em really close and you throw one arm over ''em?'' - T.S.: ''It''s called spooning .'' - Brodie: ''Yeah, but you gotta put the other arm somewhere. You can either lay on it or just shove it between your bodies. The only other option is to stretch it above your head . But sometimes my arm pops out of socket when I''m sleeping like that. So I was constantly searching for someplace to keep my arm while still laying close to her.'' - T.S.: ''And?'' - Brodie: ''What do you mean ''and''? That''s like a metaphor for our whole relationship .''
Elaine (Kelly Bishop) and Sue (Pat Quinn) in An Unmarried Woman (1978): - Elaine: ''There''s no such thing as total honesty, not with men. They''re all wrapped up in sexual-ego .'' - Sue: ''What the hell is sexual-ego , Elaine?'' - Elaine: ''Never getting enough, always on-the-make , constantly worrying about performing.'' - Sue: ''That''s ridiculous! I know lots of men who are interested in other things besides sex .'' - Elaine: ''Name one.'' - Sue: ''My husband .''
Mitch Robbins (Billy Crystal) adressing his son''s class in City Slickers (1991):''Value this time in your life , kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices. It goes by so fast. When you''re a teenager , you think you can do anything and you do . Your twenties are a blur. Thirty, you raise your family , you make a little money and you think to yourself: What happened to my twenties? Forties, you grow a little pot belly , you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud. One of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Fifties, you have a minor surgery. You''ll call-it ''a procedure'' but it''s a surgery. Sixties, you''ll have a major surgery. The music is still loud but it doesn''t matter because you can''t hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, start eating dinner at two o''clock in the afternoon . You have lunch around ten , breakfast the night before. Spend most of your time wandering around malls, looking for the ultimate soft yogourt and muttering: How come the kids don''t call? The eighties, you have a major stroke . You end up blabbering to some Jamaican nurse that your wife can''t stand and that you call mama. Any questions?''
Does oat meal have lumps? = The Cheap Detective (1978) Does a hobby-horse have a wooden dick? = Road House (1989) Does Pinocchio have a wooden butt? = Earth Girls are Easy (1989) Does Pinocchio have wooden balls? = Tune In Tomorrow (1990) Does a frog have a waterproof ass? = Tune In Tomorrow (1990) Does a hobby-horse have a hickory dick? = The Cowboy Way (1994) Does Madonna take her clothes off? = With Honors (1994) Does the pope wear a beanie? = Off Beat (1986) Does the pope drive a Cadillac? = Beyond the Law (1994) Does a fat puppy hate fast cars? = Ernest Scared Stupid (1991) Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle? = Ernest Scared Stupid (1991) Does Veronica like Archie? = Little Giants (1995) Does Tina Turner wear a wig? = Earth Girls are Easy (1989) Do birds fly , do ducks duck? = Moonlighting (1985) Do flies fly , do spots beam up? = Moonlighting (1985) Do rattlesnakes kiss carefully? = Ernest Scared Stupid (1991) Do stripes suit a zebra? = The Matchmaker (1958) Is a pig's ass pork? = Gator (1976) Is a frog's ass water tight? = Big Business (1988) Is the earth flat? = The Flintstones (1994) Was Sergeant York's mother an angel = Nothing but Trouble (1991) Will a banker grope for money? = Nothing but Trouble (1991) Does Saddam Hussein and Omar Kadafi pull each other's toffee?'= With Honors (1994) OFF-SCREEN

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