masturbation:

Manual stimulation of one's-own or someone else's genitals , usually until orgasm . Until recently, masturbation was regarded as a vice, a sin , and a form of defilement and one of the superstitions put about to discourage it was that overindulgence caused feeblemindedness. In his Onanism: or Treatise upon the Disorders Produced by Masturbation (1766), A. Hume warns the reader that the perverse and degenerate practice of onania can cause insanity, deafness, blindness, hairy palms, and withering away of the penis . Reverend Sylvester Graham (1794-1851) preached that ejaculation deprived a man of the ' vital fluids ' essential to maintain ' vital energies ' (health and vitality), each time a man ejaculates he risks his physical health. Graham preached against the dangers of ' wasting the seed ' by masturbation or even by frequent marital intercourse .

ETYMOLOGY: From the Latin masturbari , to disturb with the hand, possibly derived from masdo , virile-member . The word masturbation is believed to have been used in English for the first time in A. Hume's Treatise (1766), but in Gulliver's Travels (1728), Swift makes the following puns: ' My master , Mr. Bates ' and ' poor Master Bates '.
See masturbation , masturbation-male and masturbation-female [SYN] for synonyms.

QUOTES:

(1) Tom Waits: ' I'm not weird or anything. I don't tie myself up first .'

(2) Truman Capote: ' The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up-for-it '

(3) James Joyce: ' Masturbation! The amazing availability of it! '

(4) Harold Palms: ' When beating-off is outlawed, only outlaws will beat-off .'

(5) George Carlin: ' If God had intended us not to masturbate , He would have made our arms shorter .'

(6) Michael (Kenneth Nelson) in The Boys in the Band (1970): ' There's one thing to be said for masturbation : You certainly don't have to look your best .'

(7) Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) to Annie (Diane Keaton) in Annie Hall (1977): ' Don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love .' Off-screen Woody Allen also said: ' I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic .'

(8) Horny, 15-years old Buddy Griffith (Billy Jacoby) hitting on Denise (Toni Hudson) in Just One of the Boys (1985): ' Don't get me wrong. It's not like I've never had sex before. I've had plenty of sex . It's just that now I'd like to try it with a partner .'

(9) Countess Alexandrovna (Olga Georges-Picot) and Boris Grushenko (Woody Allen) in Love and Death (1975):
-- Alex: ' You are the greatest lover I ever had .'
-- Boris : ' Well, I practice a lot when I'm alone .'

(10) Juliet Forrest (Rachel Ward) to Rigby Reardon (Steve Martin) in Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid (1982): ' If you need me, just call. You know how to dial, don't you? You just put your finger in the hole and make tiny little circles .'

(11) Duffy (Gene Wilder) and Dr. Benjamin (David Margulies) in Funny About Love (1990):
-- Duffy: ' You want me to put some sperm into this little cup? '
-- Doctor: ' That's right, Mr. Bergman .'
-- Duffy: ' Wait a minute! You know , you make this sound easy, but I've never done this before .'
-- Doctor: ' Come, come , Mr. Bergman .'
-- Duffy: ' Twice!? You want me to do-it twice. We'll be here all day .'

(12) Ford (Andrew Dice Clay) speaking of Zuzu Petals in The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990): ' Talking to Zuzu was like masturbating with a cheese grater; slightly amusing but mostly painful .'

(13) Wayne Campbell (Mike Meyers) speaking of model Claudia Schiffer in Wayne's World (1992): ' She's a babe! (...) She tested very high on the Stroke-Ability-Scale .'

(14) Mickey Gordon (Billy Crystal) to the nurse at the fertility clinic in Forget Paris (1995):
-- Nurse: ' We have X-rated tapes in case you need some help .'
-- Mickey : ' Help!? Hahahaha! Help? I lettered in this in high school. I used to carry a picture of my right hand in my wallet .'

(15) Agent 3.14 (Nicolette Sheridan) to WD40 / Dick Steel (Leslie Nielsen) in Spy Hard (1998): ' Do you always take matters into your own hands? '

(16) George Carlin: ' If God had intended us not to masturbate , He would have made our arms shorter .'

(17) Graffito: ' Man who go-to-bed-with problem in-hand wake up in the morning with solution at his finger tips .'

(18) From Graffiti. Two Thousand Years of Wall Writing by Robert Reisner: a) ' Minorbation is good during depression .' b) ' One orgasm in the bush is worth two in the hand .'

(19) From Encyclopedia of Graffiti Robert Reisner & Lorraine Wechsler (1974): a) ' I come here to get ahold of myself .' Mens' room graffito. b) ' More than three shakes is masturbation .' Mens' room graffito. c) ' Never pull-off tomorrow when you can pull-off today .'

(20) Lawrence Paros. The Erotic Tongue (1984): ' Playing with oneself (18-20 ^th C .) is a worthwhile activity for both sexes and one of the most rewarding of all the sexual practices. In terms of orgasmic efficacy, it seldom fails us. Alfred Kinsey reported that 95 percent of the time it is successful, with 75 percent of the participants attaining climax (20 ^th C .) in less than four minutes .'

(21) Tim and Beverly Lehaye. The Act of Marriage (1975): ' Masturbation is the thief of love .'

See Also: 3 point shot, 5-digit disco, a date with Manuela, a date with Senorita Mano, a little southern romance, a visit from Mother Fist, abuse, abuse oneself, accordion solo, accosting the Oscar Meyer, Accu-Jac, activating cruise control, addressing Mr. Palmer, adjusting your set, airing the orchid, allantotrioism, amatripsis, ambidexterity, answer the bone-a-phone, applying for a fishing liscence, applying lip gloss, applying the hand brake, arm aerobics, arm breaker, armswing, armswinging, art of unisex, arthur, articulate the archdeacon, assault on a friendly weapon, attacking the one-eyed purple-headed warrior, audition the finger puppets, auditioning the hand puppet, auto-genital stimulation, auto-hedonia, autoerotic death, autoeroticism, autoerotism, autohedonia, automonosexualism, autophilia, bachelor's delight, bachelor's fare, backstroke roulette, bait the hook, ball off, balling off, balls deep into your fist, bananas and cream, bang the banjo, bang the bishop, bang the wanger, banging the drum, bank with Barclays, Barclay's bank, bash the bishop, bashing the bishop, bashing the candle, bashing the dummy, basting the meat, basting the tuna, bat off, batting practice, battling the purple-helmeted warrior, be your own best friend, beastliness, beat, beat it, beat meat, beat off, beat one's little brother, beat Pete, beat the bald-headed bandit, beat the beaver, beat the bishop, beat the dork, beat the dummy, beat the goose, beat the hog, beat the meat, beat the pud, beat the pup, beat the tom-tom, beat your meat like it owes you money, beating about the bush, beating around the bush, beating it with a smile on your face, beating off, beating the bait, beating the bed flute, beating the bishop, beating the bologna, beating the boner, beating the bush, beating the meat, beating the old man, beating the piss outta my best friend, beating the pud, beating the snake, beating the stick, beating your meat on the toilet seat, beef-stroke-it-off, bell polishing, belly rub, belly-fuck, belly-to-belly, bequeath your genes, biffing off, big date with Rosy Palms, big hug, big stroke time, bisecting the triangle, bishoprage, blanket drill, bleed the goose, bleed the lizard, bleed the weed, blinds, bloating the vein, blooch, blooming, blow off, blowing your own horn, bludgeon the beefsteak, blue-vein shuffle, bob, bob the bologna, bobbing the boloney, body rub, boffer, boffing, bollock service, bologna bop, bombing the German helmet, bookends, bop, bop the baloney, bop the mop, bopping Richard, bopping the bishop, bopping the bologna, bopping the bonzo, botulinonia, bouginonia, box the Jesuit (and get cockroaches), boxing the bald champ, boxing the bald-headed clown, boxing the ballsack, boxing the Bozak, boxing the clown, boxing with Richard, brandle, break one off, bring down (by hand), bring off by hand, bring oneself off, bring someone off, bring up by hand, bringing oneself off, brushing the beaver, buck the bone, bucking it, buff the beaver, buff the dog, buff the mushroom, buff the pylon, buff the weasle, buffing, buffing the banana, buffing the bishop, buffing the box, buffing the helmet, buffing the jewel, buffing the magic lamp, buffing the rifle, buffing the wood, buggering the hand, burp the baldman, burp the worm, burping the baby, burping the worm, bury the knuckle, bury the salami, bury the weenie, bust a nut, butter schlopping, butter the bead, butter the muffin, butter the potato, buttering the corn, buttering the muffin, butting the bead, button hole, buttonhole, buying an E-Ticket, buzz, buzzing, cabareting, calling all cum, calling down for more mayo, candlesticking, caning the vandal, capturing the bishop, caress oneself, caressing the kitty, carrying weight, cast-off, catch a buzz, catch up with Popeye, catching a case of whackinitis, celebrating Palm Sunday, changing your oil, charge the rod, charm the cobra, charm the serpent, charming the snake, cheat the meat, check the oil, checking for impotence, checking for testicular cancer, checking the foxhole, checking the oil, checking the status of the I/O port, cheesing off, chicken-grabbing, chicken-milking, chipping wood, chiromania, choke hold, choke the bad guy, choke the chicken, choke the chook, choke the gopher, choking Charlie 'till he throws up, choking Kojak, choking the bald guy until he pukes, choking the chipmunk, choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come, chong your schlong, churn, churning butter, churning the butter, churning the cream, circle fuck, circle jerk, circling the knoll, clam bake for one, clamming the engram, clamping the pipe, clap the clit, clap with one hand, clean the pipe(s), cleaning my fur coat, cleaning the fish, cleaning the rifle, cleaning the storm-drains, cleaning your fingers, clear the custard, clearing the snorkel, climbing Mount Baldy, climbing the tree, clit bliss, clit fix, clit twit, clitorize, clobbering the kleenex, closet frisbee, closing the deal, clubbing eddy, clubbing the clam, coating prince william sound with love oil, cock the cannon, cock your shotgun, coital climax, coitus inter digitae, colonel sanders heimleich maneuver, color in the coloring book, combing the brush, come into your own, come the turkey, comforting Gary Coleman, coming into your own, coming one's mutton, coming to grips with yourself, conking the cardinal, consult Dr. Jerkoff, converse with Harry Palm, cook cucumbers, cook the clam, cook your nookie, cooking the cream of cock, corralling the tadpoles, couch hockey for one, countering cunts, court Madam Knuckle, crab tease, crack off a batch, cracking nuts, cracking off, cracking the bat, crank, crank the cream, crank the cream separator, crank the love pump, crank the monkey, crank the shaft, crank the shank, cranking for cum, cranking the corona, cream your corn, creamed beef, creaming the cheese, creaming the pie, creaming the twinkie, create an arch, crime of Onan, crime of self-pollution, crimping the wire, critter cramming, crossing the great divide, crossing the swamp, crown the king, cuddling the kielbasa, cuff the carrot, cuff the dummy, cuff the meat, cuff the puppy, culture the American Blood Sausage, cultures, cum the scum, cunt-cuddling, Custer's last stand, D.I.Y., dactylate, dame de voyage, damming the beaver, dance with Johnnie One-eye, dancing with myself, dancing with the captain, dash one's doodle, date Miss Michigan, date mother palm and her five daughters, date Palmala Handerson, dating Manuella, dating my palm, dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters, dating the Palm sisters, dating Thumbalina and her four sisters, dealing, decongesting the weasel, deep dishing, defrosting the fridge, demi-vierge, devil's handshake, dialing the pink phone, dialing the rotary phone, dickless dildo dance, dicky-whacking, diddle, diddling, diddling Miss Daisy, diddling the dinky, digging a trench, digging for change, digging for clams, digging for your keys, digging into the trenches, digging the trench, digit disco, digital manipulation of the coital apparatus, digital special effects, digitally oscillating the penis, digitate, digitating, digitize, digitizing, dildo doodling, dildoism, dilly with the willy, dinging the dong, dinky the slinky, dip the digit(s), discipline your soldier, disciplining the primate, dishonorable discharge, disobey the Pope, disseminating, diurnal pollution, do a dry waltz with oneself, do a one-finger exercise, do handiwork, do it with oneself, do oneself, do the bowling hold, do the dew, do the Han Solo, do the wet-n-stinky, do yourself off, do-it-yourself, docking, docking in shuttle bay 5, doddle whacking, doing a hand job, doing a little soft-shoe, doing battle with the purple helmeted warrior of love, doing handiwork, doing hard time in the hand slammer, doing it your way, doing laps, doing one's nails, doing something for my chapped lips, doing the five knuckle chuckle, doing the five knuckle shuffle, doing the hand jive, doing the human version of autoexec.bat, doing the janitor thing, doing the knuckle chuckle on the ol' piss pump, doing the knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump, doing the pork sword jiggle, doing the solitary rhumba, doing the Two Finger Slot Rumba, doing the white knuckler, doing your own thing, dollop the weener, dong flogging, doodle the noodle, double jacking, douse the digits, dousing the digits, downing at the club (for members only), drain Charle's Dickens, drain the dragon, drain the vein, draining the monster, draining the poisons from the building, draw on a length, drilling for oil, drilling for oil in your own backyard, driving the skin bus, drooling, dropping a line, dropping stomach pancakes, drown the man in the boat, dry humping the ottoman, dry-firing the musket, dual masturbation, dundering the devil, dunk the dolphin, dunk the doughnut, dunking the beaver, dusting the endtable, dusting the old trophy, Dutch sea wife, Dutch widow, ease oneself, educating Peter, electing the president, empty the cannon, encapsulate your probe, engaging in internal revenue service, engaging in safe sex, English method, enjoying a little southern comfort, enjoying yourself, entering no man's land, entering the ring of fire, erase the problem, erasing the problem, erupting the volcano, erupting Vesuvius, escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of its denim cell, evicting the testicular squatters, excercise your rights, experiencing men-o-paws, exploring Carlsbad Caverns, exploring the deep South, express a secret vice, express yourself (manually), fan the fur, fanning the fur, fanning the furnace, fanny fumbling, fare un ditolino, faxing Jimmy Dean, faxing the pope, feed the bearded clam, feed the beaver, feed the cat, feed the clam, feed the ducks, feed the fish, feed the fist, feed the spunk-o-meter, feed the stick, feeding the bearded clam, feeding the chooks, feeding the other mouth, feeding the slot, feeding your trouser-mouse, feel in one's pocket for one's big hairy rocket, feel the fur, female finger fun, fetch metal, fetch mettle, fiddle the bean, fiddle with oneself, fidget the midget, fidget with the digit, fifi bag, fight the champ, fight the turkey, file the fun-rod, filling up the belly button well, finger blasting, finger dancing, finger flick, finger fuck, finger fun, finger job, finger painting, finger pie, fingerbating, fingerdoodling, fingering the clit, fingering the fountain, fingering the skin harp, fire the hand cannon, fire the wobbly warhead, firing off a round, firing the flesh musket, firing the surgeon general, firm the worm, fishing for trouser trout, fishing for zipper trout, fist flick, fist fucking, fist fucking the piss pump, fist it off, fist kebabing 101, fist of fury, fist the mister, fist-fuck, fisting the mister, five against one, five against Willy, five finger boogie on the blue vein, five finger discount, five finger exercise(s), five finger knuckle shuffle, five finger lingo, five fingers against one penis, five knuckle chuckle, five knuckle olympics, five knuckle shuffle, five on one, five-finger Mary, five-finger solo, five-fingered Annie, five-knuckle-shuffle (on the old piss pump), flapping takkie, flaying the emperor, flex one's sex, flick on over the thumb, flick the bean, flick the BIC, flicking the switch, flip it around, flip it off, flip off, flip oneself off, flip the flaps, flipping the bishop, flipping through the pages, flit the clit, flog, flog (oneself), flog a dead horse, flog a willing horse, flog it, flog the bishop, flog the dog, flog the dolphin, flog the dong, flog the donkey, flog the dummy, flog the goose, flog the hog, flog the infidel, flog the lizard, flog the log, flog the meat, flog the mutton, flog the old whipping-boy, flog the pork, flog the pup, flog the sausage, flog the whipping-boy, flogging the dog, flogging the dolphin, flogging the dong, flogging the frog, flogging the hog, flogging the mule, flogging the poodle, flogging the salami, flogging your dumber brother, flogging your pride, flong the dong, flopping beef, flossing the cat, flub the dub, fluff the muff, flute solo, fly automatic, fly fishing, fly manually, flying manual, flying on automatic, flying solo, fondling the fig, fornicatory doll, four-lip whistling, freeing Willy, fret the fiddle-strings, frig, frig off, frig oneself, frigging, frigging the love muscle, friggit, friggle, frosting the pastries, fuck Mary Fist, fuck off, fuck one's fist, fuck palmala, fuck the fist, fuck your fist, fuck-fist, fucking without complications, full-service, furry finger fuck, furry fun, fuzzy fun, gagging the clam, gagging the lips of love, gallop the antelope, gallop the goose, gallop the maggot, gallop the old lizard, galloping the lizard, genital pollution, genital sensate focussing, genital stimulation via phalangetic motion, genitalic stimulation via phallengetic motion, gentle the genitalia, get a date with Slick Mittens, get a fat lip, get a lube job, get a stinky pinky, get gravel for the goose, get it off, get one's ashes hauled, get one's balls off, get one's nuts off, get oneself off, get some self, get some trim, get to know yourself, getting a date with slick mittens, getting a grip on things, getting a hold of yourself, getting a little off-hand, getting a stain out of my carpet, getting chafed, getting gnarly with the knudster, getting in touch with your manhood, getting in touch with yourself, getting ones nuts off, getting stripped of your grammy, getting the german soldier marching, getting the glue stick, getting to know yourself, getting to know yourself personally in the biblical sense, getting your caps peeled, getting your end away, getting your palm read, getting your palm read by Mister Softee, getting your pole varnished, gherkin-jerking, gilding the lily, give it a one-gun salute, give oneself a handjob, give oneself a low five, give oneself the finger, giving it a tug, giving the general a five-finger salute, giving yourself the finger, giving Yul Brenner the high-five, glazing the knuckle, gluing the lady's eye shut, go a couple rounds with the champ(ion), go back to the wig-wam and beat the tom-tom, go it alone, go on a hand diet, go to war with yourself, going a couple of rounds with Ol' Josh, going blind, going cabareting, going eye to eye with Johnny Hung, going mining, going on a date with Handrea, going on a date with Palmela, going on a date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters, going on a finger ride, going on Peewee's little adventure, going on the blow, going on the dole, going out with Mother Thumb and her four daughters, going with Ms. Thumb & her four daughters, gong, grab the flab, grab the goatee, grappling the gorilla, grease the dildo, grease the gash, grease the goofy, greasing the flagpole, greasing the pipe, greasing the skillet, greasing your bone, greasing your hips, great sin of youth, grind off, grinding the goo shooter, grip it, grip the gorilla, grip the tip, gripping Flipper, gripping the pencil, gristle rub, groping the grotto, group masturbation, growing hair on the palms, gushing the geyser, gusset typing, habit that dare not speak its name, hack off, hack the hog, hack the mack, hair in hand, hair-job, ham shank, ham-boning, Han Solo, hand ball, hand book, hand fuck, hand gallop, hand game, hand gig, hand jig, hand jive, hand job, hand labor, hand lotion, hand relief, hand shandy, hand solo, hand to gland combat, hand work, hand-made, hand-raised, hand-reared, hand-staff, handful of pleasure, a, handle, handling the hard on, handmade, hands on training, handshaker, handy work, hanging five, hanging the old man, hard labor, harp playing, haul your own ashes, have a date with a handkerchief, have a wank, have one off the wrist, having a ball, having a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake, having a date with Fisty Palmer, having a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters, having a five-knuckle-shuffle, having a ham shank, having a J. Arthur, having a one-night-stand with yourself, having a roy, having a sherman, having a tug, having a tug-of-war with the cyclops, having a whack attack, having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel, having dinner, having it off, having one off the wrist, having sex with someone you love, having some clam dip, hee-haw with the wrinkled mee-maw, helping the python shed its skin, herkin' the gherkin, higher Malthusianism, hiking the Grand Canyon, hit on Rosy Palm, hit the ham, hit the slit, hitchhike under the big top, hitchhiking south, hitchhiking to heaven, hitchhiking underneath the big top, hog-flogger, hold a bowling ball, hold the bold, holding my own, holding on to a family heirloom, holding the sausage hostage, holding your sausage hostage, hone the bone, honking Bobo, hoodwink, hose the hole, hot rod, hot rod it, hotdog-a-rama, housebreaking the cat, hug the hog, hula-hooping, hump the bump, hump the horn, hump the hose, hump your fist, humping air, humping the hose, hurting Burt until he squirts, husk it, ignite the lightsaber, in hand, in the hand cream, infanticide, infibulation, informal values, installing a burglar alarm, invading Poland, invoking Venus, ipsation, ipsism, Irish promotion, Irish wedding, ironing some wrinkles, itching the ditch, J. Arthur, J.O., J/O scene, jack hammer, jack hammering, jack off, jack off party, jack the beanstalk, jack the corn, jack the joystick, jack the sack, jack your jizz, jack yourself, jack-and-jill-off party, jack-off session, jacking, jacking off, jacking the beanstalk, jag off, jam the joystick, jeff off, jerk, jerk Jamby, jerk jelly, jerk job, jerk off, jerk the gherkin, jerk the johnson, jerk the joint, jerk the mutton, jerk the rope, jerk the Turk, jerk the turkey, jerk up, jerk your jewels, jerk yourself a soda, jerkin's hand lotion, jerking jamby, jerking off, jerking the gherkin, jerking the merkin, jerking the noodle, jerking the turkey, jerking the wheel, jiggle the jewelry, jiggling the dice, jiggling your cockanballs, jill off, jilling off, jimmying the joey, jiring one's wad, jizzlobbing, Jocelyn Eldering, Jodrell Bank, jog off, jollification, joyce off, juggling the coullions, juice it up, juice the fruit, jump start the river, just jerkin' it, keep a date with bobby palm and his five brother, keep down the census, keep the census down, kick the gong around, kicking seamen, killing 45 seconds, killing it, killing off, knead your dough, kneading the knockwurst, knitting, knob, knob polishing, knob shining, knock on wood, knock the top off, knuckle shuffle, knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump, knuckling the bone, lady fingers and cream, Lady Five Fingers, lark, launching a class probe, launching the hand shuttle, launching the head of a world-cup golfer, launching the tadpoles, leaking the main drain, leave it to beaver, leglock the pillow, let your fingers do the walking, Levy and Frank, levy break limbo, light touch body rub, lightening the load, lighting the candle, lighting the pipe, lip smacking, little pinky hit the slinky, little southern romance, loading the cannon, local, lonely art, loob the goob, look in the mirror, looking askance, looking for ticks, looking for uboats, looking for Waldo & his dog, lope the mule, love's labors lost, loving the muppet, loving thy self, lube the cord, lubing the tube, M and M, maintaining a holding pattern, make a bald man cry, make a milkshake, make bumps, make butter, make fist-kabobs, make love to ones fist, make love to oneself, make love with Mother Thumb and her four daughters, make love with Rosy Palm and her five sisters, make silly with the Willy, make the tide come in, make waves (for the boy-in-the-boat), making a banana spit, making a banana split, making a finger sandwich, making a foreskin cone, making a six-fist, making duck butter, making five fingers, making friends with Big Ed, making instant pudding, making love with Miss Right, making nut butter, making oyster soup, making soup, making the bald man cry, making the bald man puke, making the kitty purr, making the oysters smile, making the scene with the magazine, making vanilla jism shakes, making yogurt, making yourself at home, male infibulation, man overboard, mangling the midget, manipulating the mango, manning the cannon, manning the cockpit, manual exercise(s), manual gratification, manual job, manual labor, manual orgasm, manual override, manual persuasion, manual pollution, manual preference, manual release, manual sex, manual titillation, manually-assisted wet dream, manustupration, manuxorate, maritate, Mary Palm, masonic secret self handshake, massage parlor, massage the fireman's neck, massage the one-eyed monk, massage your muscle, massage your purple-headed warrior, master bacon, masterbation, masturbate, masturbation, masturbatory orgy, maximize your potency, measuring for condoms, meet Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters, meet your right-hand man, meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters, meeting Rosie Hancock, meeting with Mother Thumb and her four daughters, menage a un, mentulalgia, merry widow waltz, messing with Moby, milk, milk the chicken, milk the lizard, milk the maggot, milking one's self, milking the bull, milking the cow, milking the moose, milking the musket, milking the weasel, milkywaying, minding my own business, Miss Fist, mistressbate, mix up a batch, molesting the mole, monkey-slapping, monkey-spanking, Mother Fist and her five daughters, mount a corporal and four, moving into a one-bedroom apartment, moving the stone, Mrs. Hand and the five fingers, Mrs. Palm and her five daughters, much goo about nothing, muff ruffing, muffing buffing, mule breeding, murder the Bishop, mustard on the burger, mutual masturbation, My sex life!, navel maneuvers, nerking the throbber, night-club, non-orthogenic sex, non-penile pleasure pursuit, nulling the void, nuzzle the fuzz, off, oiling the glove, oiling the pogo stick, old lady five fingers, on the waterslide, Onan's Olympics, onanera, onania, onanism, onanistic, one gun salute, one hand clapping, one handed clapping, one man show, one man tug-o-war, one off the wrist, one-eye target practice, one-legged race, one-stick drum improvisation, one-two, oscillating the Oscar Meyer, pack the palm, packaging the ol' sausage, packing the palm, paddle the pickle, paddling the peter, paddling the pickle, paddling the pink canoe, paddling the robin, paint the ceiling, painting the pickle, painting the walls, palm it, Palmala Handerson, palming the calm, Palmolive finger dip, pampering the pussy, parting the petals, parting the red sea, parting the waters, passing math, pat me muller, pat the Robertson, pause that refreshes, the, paw-paw tricks, pearl diving, pearl fishing, peddle and crank, peeling some chilies, peeling the banana, peeling the carrot, peeling the chile, penis infibulation, performing a pearl jam, performing a self-test, performing an organ solo, performing diagnostics on your mantool, performing for Mr. Swaggart, perling the oyster, perm the poodle, pet the petunia, pet the poodle, pet the pussy (cat), petal pushing, petting kitty, petting Snoopy, petting the bunny, petting the kitty, petting the lizard, petting the pussy, petting the snake, petting the Wookie, petting your dog, phone sex, phoning the czar, piddle the pud, pinch the cat, pink piston practice, pipping the pumpkin, pit job, pitch a knuckle ball, pitching in the bush leagues, play a flute solo on one's meat whistle, play billiards, play pocket billiards, play pocket pool, play solitaire, play the bones, play the clitar, play the fiddle, play the male organ, play the piss pipe, play the silent trumbone, play the skin flute, play with oneself, play with Willy Wanker, play with your Willy Wanker, playing a bass solo, playing a little five-on-one, playing a little game of five on one, playing a one-stringed guitar, playing a solo on the meat whistle, playing chopsticks, playing in a one-man show, playing peek-a-boo (with Mr. Johnson), playing piano, playing pocket pinball, playing pocket pool, playing soapy Peter, playing solitaire, playing tag with the pink torpedo, playing the beaver, playing the fiddle, playing the flesh flute, playing the flesh trombone, playing the hairy banjo, playing the man-flute, playing the one-stringed melody, playing the pink oboe, playing the silent trombone, playing the skin flute, playing the slots, playing tug-o-war with the cyclops, playing uno, playing with dick, playing with it, playing with oneself, playing with Susi Palmer and her five friends, playing with the man in the boat, playing with the pineapple, playing with the pink Power Ranger, playing with the spitting llama, playing with the turtle, playing with your 6th finger, playing with your big Alien, playing Yahtzee, please the pisser, pleasing the pisser, plucking the chicken, plumbing the bottomless pit of passion, plunking the twanger, pocket billiards, pocket pinball, pocket polka, pocket pool, pocket waltz, point one's social finger, poke the pussy, poking the pie, poking the pucker, pole vaulting, polish the bayonet, polish the chrome dome, polish the horn, polish the knob, polish the log, polish the Oscar, polish the pole, polish the shooter, polish the viper, polishing Charlie Brown, polishing Percy in your palm, polishing the beak, polishing the family jewels, polishing the helmet, polishing the night stick, polishing the nugget, polishing the peanut, polishing the pearl, polishing the pud, polishing the rocket, polishing the silver, polishing the sword, polishing the wedding ring, pollute, popping a nut, popping the cork, popping the purple pimple, popping the zit, Portuguese pump, posh wank, pound it, pound off, pound the bobo, pound the flounder, pound the meat, pound the mound, pound the peenie, pound the pork, pound the pud, pounding off, pounding the bald-headed moose, pounding the flounder, pounding the pud, pounding the pudding, pow-wow with the one-eyed Redskin, practicing one's mantra, practising, praising the orchid, preheating the oven, preparing the carrot, pressing the pleats, prick rag, prime it, prime the pump, prime the womb cannon, priming the pump, prodding the half-cooked pastrami, producing whore moans, prompt the porpoise, prostate maintenance, prune the fifth limb, pub the dub, pud wrestling, pud-pulling, pudding head, pudwhacking, puff the one-eyed dragon, pull, pull it (off), pull off, pull one off, pull one's dong, pull one's joint, pull one's pud, pull one's wang, pull oneself off, pull putz, pull some lumber, pull someone off, pull the duck's neck, pull the joint, pull the peter, pull the pin, pull the pole, pull the pope, pull the pork, pull the pud, pull the pudding, pull the root, pull the taffy, pull the wire, pull wire, pull your prick, pulling a solo session, pulling off, pulling on Peter, pulling rank, pulling the bologna pony, pulling the carrot, pulling the colonel sanders heimleich manuever, pulling the cord, pulling the five-knuckle shuffle, pulling the goalie, pulling the handbrake, pulling the mule, pulling the pole, pulling the pope, pulling the pud, pulling the putz, pulling the taffy, pulling the weed, pulling the wire, pulling your goalie, pulling your own leg, pulling your prick, pummel the love truncheon, pummeling the priest, pump off, pump one's pickle, pump oneself off, pump ship, pump the monkey, pump the python, pumping cream, pumping for pleasure, pumping for power, pumping the electric goo gun, pumping the gas at the self-service island, pumping the kooter, pumping the stump, punchin' the munchkin, punching the clown, punching the puppet, punish Percy in the palm, punish the Harlequin, punish the penguin, punishing the pope, punt the cunt, puppetophilia, push in the bush is worth two in the hand, a, pushing the button, pushing the daisy and make it cum, pussy poking, pussy soccer, qualifying in the testicular time trial, R2 your D2, raise the flag, raising Lazarus from the dead, raising the mainsail, rake your meat, raking the leaves, ram the ham, rank, rapid one arm pull-ups, ravage the innocent, read Braille, reading in Braille, reading poetry, reading with one hand, relaxation rubdown, relief massage, relieve oneself, relieving tension, returning to sender, rheomism, rheononia, ride sidesaddle, ride the curl, ride the great white knuckler, ride the tubespout, ride the tubsput, riding the clitoris-saurus, riding the great white knuckler, riding the unicycle, riding the waterslide, riding the wild hand, ring for the maid, ringing for the elevator, ringing southern bells, roasting chestnuts, rocking the little man in the boat, rod-walloping, rodding, rodgering, rogering, rolling the dough, rolling the fleshy blunt, rolling the mink, rolling your own, Roman helmet rumba, romancing Lady Five Fingers, romancing the bone, romancing the rose, romancing thy own, Romeo and himself, roping the long horn, roping the pony, roping the pope, roughing up the suspect, row the little man in the boat, rowing the boat, rub, rub it off, rub off, rub off by hand, rub one out, rub the (little) head, rub the knob, rub the magic lamp, rub the radish, rub the tub, rub up, rub your cooze 'til you ooze, rub-a-dub, rub-belly, rubbin nubbin, rubbing one out, rubbing the donut, rubbing the love nubbin, rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel, rubbing the nub, rubbing the nubbin, rubbing the pink eraser, rubbing the red pussycat, rubbing the rod, ruff the muff, run a batch, run off by hand, run one's hand up the flagpole, running off a batch by hand, running Peter through two-a-days, running the 100-yard dash, running the cheeta, running the whack-a-thon, sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights, safest sex, sailors' joy, salute the sailor, sanding the banister, sanding wood, satisfy oneself, schnauzer shuffleboard, schplitzing the schmeckel, scoring the hoop, scouring the tower of power, scraping the horn, scratch the crack, scratch the patch, scratch the snatch, scratching the itch, scratching the snatch patch, screw off, scrub the cake pan, scuff the muff, scuffing the muff, se branler, se crosser, se faire les cinq doigts de la main, se passer un poignet, search for Spock, secret handshake, secret indulgence, secret selfish sin, secret sin, secret vice, see if the baby's home, see Madam(e) Thumb and her four daughters, selbst befriedigung, self-abuse, self-gratification, self-induced penile regurgitation, self-inflicted intercourse, self-manipulation, self-pleasure, self-pleasuring, self-pollution, self-relief, self-service, self-stimulation, serta solo, setting off a depth charge, setting the oysters, sew, sewing circle, sex for one, sex with someone you love, shagging, shake, shake hands with the governor, shake hands with the wife's best friend, shake it up, shake the snake, shake the weasel, shake up, shaking hands with Abraham Lincoln, shaking hands with Jack Mcnasty, shaking hands with Little Elvis, shaking hands with Mr. Happy, shaking hands with Mr. President, shaking hands with Shorty, shaking hands with the General, shaking hands with the guy that stood up when I got married, shaking hands with the midget, shaking hands with the unemployed, shaking hands with the wife's best friend, shaking hands with your John Thomas, shaking hands with Yul Brenner, shaking the bottle, shaking the dice, shaking the hand of the self-employed, shaking the hand of the unemployed, shaking the sauce, shaking the sausage, shaking the snake, shaking your (own) maracas, shaking your fist at the sky, shaking your hand at the sky, shanking, she-bop, shellacking the shellaleigh, shelling the bean, shelling the oyster, shemping the hog, Sherman, Sherman tank, shift gears, shifting gears, shifting into first gear, shine the pole, shining the helmet, shining the pole, shining the pork sword, shoot skeet, shoot the cat, shooting (off) the muck, shooting flies, shooting for the moon, shooting hoops, shooting putty at the moon, shooting tadpoles at the moon, shooting the cat, shooting the rapids, short strokes, shuck the corn, shuffle the deck, shuffling the Kit-Kat, simple infanticide, sin of impurity, sing an aria, sing with Rosie, single dingles, skeet shooting, skimming the cream, skin the bone, skin the lizard, slaking the bacon, slam the clam, slam the ham, slam the spam, slamming the ham, slamming the hammer, slamming the salami, slamming the salmon, slamming the spam, slap the hammer, slap the little head, slap the wapper, slapping high fives with Yul Brynner, slapping it, slapping pappy, slapping the big-nosed rasta man, slapping the Cap'n, slapping the carrot, slapping the clown, slapping the donkey, slapping the fleshgopher, slapping the mackerel, slapping the pud, slapping the purple headed yogurt pistol, slapping the salami, slaughter of the innocent, slaying the one-eyed monster, slick abuse, slide the shaft, slimmer, sling one's jelly, sling one's juice, slinging the jelly, slipping yourself a mickey, slog the log, slopping the hogs, sloppy sign language, smacking the clam, smacking the oompa loompa, smacking the salami, smacking the sausage, smacking the weasel, smacking your sister, smacking-off, smash the stake, smoking hooch with reagan, snap, snap the rubber, snapping one off, snapping the carrot, snapping the monkey, snapping the rubber, snapping the twig, snapping the whip, snatching, snuggle the nozzle, soaking in Palmolive, soaking the whisker biscuit, soldier's joy, solitary evil, solitary sex, solitary sin, solitary vice, solo flight, solo marathon, solo sex, solo spit, southern comfort, southern massage, southern pleasures, southern romance, southern seduction, spackling the ceiling, spam wham, spank the bishop, spank the carrot, spank the hangdown, spank the little boy, spank the wank, spank the wife's best friend, spanking cheetah, spanking Elvis, spanking the bishop, spanking the frank, spanking the monkey, spanking the salami, spear chucking, spelunking, spit one off, spit the seeds, spit-polishing the purple helmet, split the slit, spraying the spectators, spreading the mayo, spreading the petals, spunk the monk, spunking, squeeze it off, squeeze off, squeeze the peach, squeezing the cheese, squeezing the cream from the twinkie, squeezing the creamy filter, squeezing the juice, squeezing the lemon, squeezing the squid, squeezing the weasel, squirt one off, squirt seed, squirt-n-spurt, squirting the seed, stacking the deck, staff meeting, stiffening the upper lip, stir the cauldron, stir the stew, stir the yogurt, stirring it up, stirring the batter, stirring the yogurt, stoking the furnace, straddle the paddle, strain the main vein, strain the vein, straining the spaghetti, strangle Kojak, strangle the dangle, strangle the stogie, strangle Yoda, strangling the serpent, stretching the muscle, strike the pink match, stroke, stroke off, stroke oneself, stroke the beef, stroke the bloke, stroke the dog, stroke the lizard, stroke the poker, stroke the purple-nosed gusset ferret, stroke the slit, stroke the stallion, stroke the string, stroke the Wookie, stroke your ego, strokem your scrotum, stroking and poking, stroking it, stroking off, stroking the dog, stroking the lizard, stroking the loaf, stroking the mole, stroking the one-eyed burping gecko, stroking the poker, stroking the satin-headed serpent, stroking the schlong, stroking the scoobie, stroking the snail, stroking the squirmin' german, stroking the twinkie, stroking the wiener, stropping the beak, stropping the mulligan, strum, strum the ol' banjo, strumming, strumming the banjo, strumming the Big Open, stuff the taco, stump-jump, suffocate the organ, summon the genie, summoning the semen demon, surf the wet, surfing at finger beach, surfing on the Milky Highway, surfing the channel, sushi party, swat the twat, Swedish, Swedish culture, sweep off, sweet slide, the, swordfighting, syntribadism, taffy tugger, taffy-pulling contest, take a beating, take a finger ride, take a load off your mind, take a ride on the mean spanking machine, take Captain Picard to warp speed, take down (by hand), take in hand, take matters into your own hands, take ol' stiff neck to the movies, take oneself in hand, taking a dip, taking a nap, taking a shake break, taking a trip south, taking care of business, taking Herman to the circus, taking matters into one's own hands, taking ol' one eye through the fly, taking old one-eye to the optometrist, taking part in population control, taking some time off, taking the Jocelyn Elders midterm, taking the monster for a one-armed ride, taking the old skin boat to tuna town, talking quietly to yourself, tame the bald-headed mouse, tame the beef weasel, tame the monster, taming goliath, taming the animal, taming the shrew, tango con mano, tap dancing, tap-dance, taunting the one-eyed weasel, teach our children to fly, teach your dog to spit, teach Yule Brenner some respect, team cream, tease the python, teasing the kitty, teasing the taco, teasing the tuna, teasing the weasel, teasing the weenie, technical virgin, tee off, tenderizing the meat, tenderizing the tube steak, test the flashlight, testicular tensile strength test, testing the batteries, testing the plumbing, testing the testicles, that crazy hand jive, theater in the round, thrap(e), thrapping, throttle kojak, throttle the turkey, throw the ball around, throwing (one), thumb the button, thump the pump, thump the pumper, tickle, tickle the crack, tickle the ditty, tickle the mustache, tickle the pickle, tickle the taco, tickle torture, tickle your fancy, tickling her fancy, tickling the little man in the boat, tickling the one-eyed weasel, tickling the pickle, tip the middle finger, tiptoe through the twolips, toggling the bit, tonking, toot the flute, tooting the horn, torking the fork, torking the power rod, torment the trouser trout, torquing the taliwacker, torquing the wrench, torturing the tentacle, toss him off, toss it off, toss off, toss the boss, tossing off, tossing pink salad, tossing the caber, tossing the ham javelin, tossing the pink salad, tossing the salad, tossing the snag, tossing the turkey, tossing yogurt, touch typing, touch up, touching oneself, touching up, tour de france, train the love porpoise, traveling past the mason-dixon line, treating yourself right, triborgasmia, trolling for flames, trolling the bermuda triangle, tromboning, trouser olympics, trouser snake CPR, trying to make One-Eyed Willy puke, TT, tug muscle, tug-o-war with the cyclops, tugging the slug, tugging the tapioca tube, tuning the fork, tuning the horn, turn the knob, turning japanese, turning on, tuning in and dropping out, twang the wire, twatty wank, tweak the twiddle, tweak the twig, tweak the twinkie, tweaking the little man in the boat, tweaking the twinkie, twenty-twenty, twiddle with oneself, twirl the squirrel, twist the turnip, twisting the crank, twisting the piston, twisting the tool, twit the clit, two finger taco tango, two fingered tango, Uncle Frank, unclog the pipes, unclogging the drain, unclogging the sink, unisex, unleash the fury, unloading passengers from the five-car train, unloading the gun, unnatural vice, unsheathing the pork sword, uprooting the big mushroom, urolagnia, using the force on Darth Vader, varnish one's cane, varnish the cane, varnish the pole, varnish the stick, varnishing the flagpole, veuve poignet, vibrating masturbator, vice of self-defilement, violating the hedge-hog, virgin's release, visit Father Fingers, visit Mary Thumb and her four daughters, visit Mrs. Palm and her 5 daughters, visit Rosy Palm and her five daughters, visiting Merry Palmer, visiting Niagra Falls, visiting the notary public, visiting the safety deposit box, wack, wack off, wack the weasel, wack your squack, wacker, wacking off, wacking the one-eyed worm, wacking the weasel, wacking the willie, wacking Wee Willie Wonka, wackomatic, wake the butterfly, waking the dead, walk the dog, walk through the valley of love, walking old one-eye, walking the dog, walking the plank, walking the snake, walking Willie the one eyed wonder worm, wallop the sausage, wallop the weiner, waltz with Willy, wang off, wank, wank mag, wank off, wank on it, wank the crank, wank-pit, wanker the anchor, wanking (off), wanking one-eyed Willy, wanking the one-eyed wonder worm, wanking the scube, wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel, wankrod, wanks per week, wapping your weenie, warming up the altar boys' dinner, wash the cosh, wash your fingers, washing the fingers, washing the goose's neck, washing the hog, washing the lighthouse, washing the meat, waste a short time, waste time, wasting babies, watch the eyelid movies, watching the butterfly smile, water the hot spot, wave the wand, waving the magic wand, wax the beam, wax the bean, wax the board, wax the Buick, wax the candle-stick, wax the carrot, wax the dolphin, wax the saddle, wax the womb-broom, waxing the car, waxing the carrot, waxing the surfboard, waxing the t-bird, waz, wazz, wearing a fat guys slacks, wet the whistle, whack, whack it, whack little Mac, whack off, whack the bishop, whack the pud, whack the yak, whack your Magic Johnson, whacker, whacking it, whacking off, whacking the weasel, whacking Wee Willie Winkie, whacking willy, whank, whank off, whank-pit, whanking date, whanking off, whiffing an easy fairway shot, whip it, whip off, whip the cat, whip the devil, whip the dripper, whip the dummy, whip the weenie, whip the wire, whip the worm, whipping dripping, whipping off, whipping the bishop, whipping the cat, whipping the dripper, whipping the dummy, whipping the nest, whipping the one-eyed trouser snake, whipping the stiff, whipping the weasel, whipping the wire, whipping up some sour cream, whipping Willy the one-eyed wonder-worm, whipping your Willy, white water wristing, whittle the wood, whittling Dixie, whittling the stick, whiz the jizzum, whizzing jism, whizzing the jism, wienering, wiggling the worm, wild ride, the, Willie and the hand jive, winding the jack in the box, winding the Wurlitzer, windsurf on Mount Baldy, womanipulation, wonk off, wonk the conker, wonk your conker, wonking the conker, wonking the donk, work it off, work off, work oneself off, workin' the jerkin, working in the garden, working off, working off a batch, working out a stiff joint, working your willy, world wide wank, worshiping the finger prince, worshiping the finger princess, worshiping the fist prince, worshiping the white god of seed, WPW, wrench off, wrestle the bald-headed champion, wrestle the cyclops, wrestling the bald(-headed) champion, wrestling the cyclops, wrestling the eel, wrestling the one-eyed monster, wrestling the purple headed warrior, wrestling with the bald(-headed) champ, wrestling with the blue-veined custard chucker, wriggle, wring the rattlesnake, wringing (it), wringing out the rope, wringing the cheesy bell, wrist aerobics, wrist job, wrist-off, wristing, yang the wang, yank (it), yank off, yank the crank, yank the doodle, yank the dork, yank the plank, yank the shlong, yank the strap, yank the wang, yank the yak, yank the yam, yank the Yoda, yank your strap, yank your wank, yank yourself (off), Yankee your Wankee, yanking, yanking off, yanking the crank, yanking the plank, yanking the yoyo, yawning, yucking your choad

Quotes Containing masturbation:
James Joyce: ''Masturbation! The amazing availability of it!''
James Joyce: ''Masturbation! The amazing availability of it!''
Tim and Beverly Lehaye. The Act of Marriage (1975): ''Masturbation is the thief of love .''
Truman Capote: ''The good thing about masturbation is that you don''t have to dress up for it''
'Oh, we all pulled together at Eaton.' Sir Michael Barington (Timothy Dalton) in Sextette (1978) He's referring to watersports (rowing) not group-masturbation .
Truman Capote: ''The good thing about masturbation is that you don''t have to dress up for it''
Tim and Beverly Lehaye. The Act of Marriage (1975): ''Masturbation is the thief of love .''
Michael (Kenneth Nelson) in The Boys in the Band (1970): ''There''s one thing to be said for masturbation : You certainly don''t have to look your best.''
Michael (Kenneth Nelson) in The Boys in the Band (1970): ''There''s one thing to be said for masturbation : You certainly don''t have to look your best.''
Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) to Annie (Diane Keaton) in Annie Hall (1977): ''Don''t knock masturbation! It''s sex with someone I love .'' Off-screen Woody Allen also said: ''I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it''s fantastic.''
Hannah (Mia Farrow) and Mickey (Woody Allen) after being told that Mickey''s sperm count is too low for procreation in Hannah and Her Sisters (1986): - Hannah: ''Could you have ruined yourself somehow?'' - Mickey : ''How could I ruin myself?'' - Hannah: ''I don''t know . Excessive masturbation?'' - Mickey : ''Hey! You gonna start knocking my hobbies?''
''Oh, we all pulled together at Eaton.'' Sir Michael Barington (Timothy Dalton) in Sextette (1978). He''s talking about water-sports not group-masturbation .''
Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) to Annie (Diane Keaton) in Annie Hall (1977): ''Don''t knock masturbation! It''s sex with someone I love .'' Off-screen Woody Allen also said: ''I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it''s fantastic.''
From Encyclopedia of Graffiti Robert Reisner & Lorraine Wechsler (1974): a) ''I come here to get ahold of myself.'' Mens'' room graffito. b) ''More than three shakes is masturbation .'' Mens'' room graffito. c) ''Never pull-off tomorrow when you can pull-off today.''
Hannah (Mia Farrow) and Mickey (Woody Allen) after being told that Mickey''s sperm count is too low for procreation in Hannah and Her Sisters (1986): - Hannah: ''Could you have ruined yourself somehow?'' - Mickey : ''How could I ruin myself?'' - Hannah: ''I don''t know . Excessive masturbation?'' - Mickey : ''Hey! You gonna start knocking my hobbies?''
From Encyclopedia of Graffiti Robert Reisner & Lorraine Wechsler (1974): a) ''I come here to get ahold of myself.'' Mens'' room graffito. b) ''More than three shakes is masturbation .'' Mens'' room graffito. c) ''Never pull-off tomorrow when you can pull-off today.''

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