masturbation:
Manual stimulation of one's-own or someone else's genitals , usually until orgasm . Until recently, masturbation was regarded as a vice, a sin , and a form of defilement and one of the superstitions put about to discourage it was that overindulgence caused feeblemindedness. In his Onanism: or Treatise upon the Disorders Produced by Masturbation (1766), A. Hume warns the reader that the perverse and degenerate practice of onania can cause insanity, deafness, blindness, hairy palms, and withering away of the penis . Reverend Sylvester Graham (1794-1851) preached that ejaculation deprived a man of the ' vital fluids ' essential to maintain ' vital energies ' (health and vitality), each time a man ejaculates he risks his physical health. Graham preached against the dangers of ' wasting the seed ' by masturbation or even by frequent marital intercourse . ETYMOLOGY: From the Latin masturbari , to disturb with the hand, possibly derived from masdo , virile-member . The word masturbation is believed to have been used in English for the first time in A. Hume's Treatise (1766), but in Gulliver's Travels (1728), Swift makes the following puns: ' My master , Mr. Bates ' and ' poor Master Bates '.
See masturbation , masturbation-male and masturbation-female [SYN] for synonyms.
QUOTES:
(1) Tom Waits: ' I'm not weird or anything. I don't tie myself up first .'
(2) Truman Capote: ' The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to dress up-for-it '
(3) James Joyce: ' Masturbation! The amazing availability of it! '
(4) Harold Palms: ' When beating-off is outlawed, only outlaws will beat-off .'
(5) George Carlin: ' If God had intended us not to masturbate , He would have made our arms shorter .'
(6) Michael (Kenneth Nelson) in The Boys in the Band (1970): ' There's one thing to be said for masturbation : You certainly don't have to look your best .'
(7) Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) to Annie (Diane Keaton) in Annie Hall (1977): ' Don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love .' Off-screen Woody Allen also said: ' I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic .'
(8) Horny, 15-years old Buddy Griffith (Billy Jacoby) hitting on Denise (Toni Hudson) in Just One of the Boys (1985): ' Don't get me wrong. It's not like I've never had sex before. I've had plenty of sex . It's just that now I'd like to try it with a partner .'
(9) Countess Alexandrovna (Olga Georges-Picot) and Boris Grushenko (Woody Allen) in Love and Death (1975):
-- Alex: ' You are the greatest lover I ever had .'
-- Boris : ' Well, I practice a lot when I'm alone .'
(10) Juliet Forrest (Rachel Ward) to Rigby Reardon (Steve Martin) in Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid (1982): ' If you need me, just call. You know how to dial, don't you? You just put your finger in the hole and make tiny little circles .'
(11) Duffy (Gene Wilder) and Dr. Benjamin (David Margulies) in Funny About Love (1990):
-- Duffy: ' You want me to put some sperm into this little cup? '
-- Doctor: ' That's right, Mr. Bergman .'
-- Duffy: ' Wait a minute! You know , you make this sound easy, but I've never done this before .'
-- Doctor: ' Come, come , Mr. Bergman .'
-- Duffy: ' Twice!? You want me to do-it twice. We'll be here all day .'
(12) Ford (Andrew Dice Clay) speaking of Zuzu Petals in The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990): ' Talking to Zuzu was like masturbating with a cheese grater; slightly amusing but mostly painful .'
(13) Wayne Campbell (Mike Meyers) speaking of model Claudia Schiffer in Wayne's World (1992): ' She's a babe! (...) She tested very high on the Stroke-Ability-Scale .'
(14) Mickey Gordon (Billy Crystal) to the nurse at the fertility clinic in Forget Paris (1995):
-- Nurse: ' We have X-rated tapes in case you need some help .'
-- Mickey : ' Help!? Hahahaha! Help? I lettered in this in high school. I used to carry a picture of my right hand in my wallet .'
(15) Agent 3.14 (Nicolette Sheridan) to WD40 / Dick Steel (Leslie Nielsen) in Spy Hard (1998): ' Do you always take matters into your own hands? '
(16) George Carlin: ' If God had intended us not to masturbate , He would have made our arms shorter .'
(17) Graffito: ' Man who go-to-bed-with problem in-hand wake up in the morning with solution at his finger tips .'
(18) From Graffiti. Two Thousand Years of Wall Writing by Robert Reisner: a) ' Minorbation is good during depression .' b) ' One orgasm in the bush is worth two in the hand .'
(19) From Encyclopedia of Graffiti Robert Reisner & Lorraine Wechsler (1974): a) ' I come here to get ahold of myself .' Mens' room graffito. b) ' More than three shakes is masturbation .' Mens' room graffito. c) ' Never pull-off tomorrow when you can pull-off today .'
(20) Lawrence Paros. The Erotic Tongue (1984): ' Playing with oneself (18-20 th C .) is a worthwhile activity for both sexes and one of the most rewarding of all the sexual practices. In terms of orgasmic efficacy, it seldom fails us. Alfred Kinsey reported that 95 percent of the time it is successful, with 75 percent of the participants attaining climax (20 th C .) in less than four minutes .'
(21) Tim and Beverly Lehaye. The Act of Marriage (1975): ' Masturbation is the thief of love .'
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